Living Happily Ever After
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Family Date

Date: August 30, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

Not long after that, Bachelor #5 took my children and I snowmobiling for an entire day. I wondered at the wisdom of accepting his invitation. I mean, who takes four children, one of them an indescribably busy and fairly demanding four-year-old, to spend an entire day with a man friend? I did.

My four-year-old instantly liked him. He slipped his hand in Bachelor #5′s hand and hardly let go the entire day. Bachelor #5 was so kind to him and patiently rode with him on his snowmobile all day leaving me free to enjoy my other children. It was the first time since my divorce that had happened, that I’d been free to enjoy my older children without worrying about my very busy youngest son!

One by one, throughout the day, my children each came to me on their own to share their opinion of Bachelor #5, despite the fact I hadn’t asked for it. My oldest said, “I really like this guy, mom. He is cool and he is nice. He just seems so familiar. I’m trying to figure out where I’ve met him before.”

My daughter offered, “Mom. He is a nice man. He’s funny. But I’m sure I’ve seen him before, I just can’t remember where.”

My middle son asked, “Mom? Are you going to marry this man?” I replied, “Heavens no! He’s just a nice man who is taking us snowmobiling.” He then observed, “He is really nice, you should marry him.”

The ride home was especially entertaining. While Bachelor #5 and his son rode in one vehicle, Bachelor #5′s friend, who had been our guide through the mountains all day, drove my children and I in another vehicle–and he put the sales pitch on for Bachelor #5 the entire ride home! I thought, “Bachelor #5 would just die if he knew what his friend was doing!” He wasn’t exactly subtle. He told me Bachelor #5 was one of the finest men he had ever known, that a woman would have to be a fool to let him go, he had no idea why Bachelor #5 was still single, and didn’t I love Bachelor #5′s music?

I replied, “He is a good singer.”

The man asked, “No, his CDs. What do you think of those?” I didn’t know anything about any CDs. So the man played them for us all the way home!

And can you believe it? After spending 8 hours with my children and I all day, later that night Bachelor #5 and I went to dinner and a movie, just us, no children. I shared how entertaining it was that his friend was putting in a good word for him all the way home! Bachelor #5 laughed and said, “That is what he did to me all day. He kept asking, ‘Where in the world did you find such a great woman with such a nice family?’”

And I thought all we’d done that day was snowmobile! Who knew Cupid wasn’t a chubby toddler in a diaper but a very nice older man, a grandfather, in snowmobile gear?

When Bachelor #5 took me home that night, he talked about the fun day we’d had and things he wanted to take my children and I to do…five months from then. I laughed and said, “Hold on! That is a LONG way away! You’re going to be totally sick of me AND the Merriman family by then!”

He shook his head no, looked me in the eye and said, “That’s not going to happen. I will never be sick of you.”

And then he took things to a whole new level.

You can’t say I hadn’t been warned–but for some reason, it was still very unexpected.

“There’s nothing you could say that would shock me.” (Laura Prepon) Just certain things you could do, I guess. Consider me shocked!

The BIG “Board Breaker” (And A Bright Spot)

Date: August 20, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

There was a time in my life when the following board breaker would have been, possibly, the ultimate humiliation.

But it’s funny how your perspective changes when you discover the man you have loved, trusted and been married to for 20 years has been running a Ponzi scheme, stealing millions of dollars, is heading to prison, and shatters your world very publicly ending in a divorce publicized in local and national media. (Just what every young girl dreams of. Not!)

Given the fact I’ve lived through what I believe is one of the more tragic yet embarrassing experiences, at least in my world, I’m not sure I have it in me to be mortified any more. Thankfully I’m unable to be embarrassed, because I’m still single and the following board breaker illustrates what single women are up against.

Single men.

Sometimes rejection.

Possible humiliation. (If you haven’t already lived through an ultimate humiliation, that is.)

One night, I went to a single’s dance alone. I danced, met some new friends, and then headed out for a break. When I returned, a song from the 80s that I loved was playing. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I decided to ask someone to dance. I looked around, found a man near me, asked, “Would you like to dance?”

And he said, “No.”

I was shocked! I never expected THAT. My parents taught me to never say no, regardless of who the boy was or what I thought of him. And there I was, rejected! Just like that. I know I’m not the biggest catch, but clearly, that man was not raised by parents. Lol.

I’m sure the shock showed in my face because he tried to explain that he’d had his eye on someone all night and wanted to catch her as she came off the dance floor. But it didn’t really help me. I couldn’t prevent the following thoughts: “What bad manners! How rude! What a loser!” And finally, “Well, you can’t expect to appeal to every one… especially VERY ordinary single men!”

I decided those dances didn’t work for me. And then, like Mr. Board Breaker who wouldn’t give up although his audience is cringing at his failure, he’s swaying on his feet from beating himself over the head with a board time and time again to no avail, I tried another dance the following month! (I know–slow learner.)

I danced, met some new friends, took a break, and then an 80s song I loved came on as I returned to the room. I didn’t want to miss the song, so I decided to ask a man to dance. What are the odds of a man saying no when you ask him to dance? I’d already experienced my “once in a lifetime” rejection at the last dance, so what did I have to lose by asking a man to dance a second time?

Apparently, what little dignity I had left because I asked a much less ordinary man to dance and HE said no!

He had an excuse, too. He said he had injured his leg and couldn’t dance. (Then WHY had he gone to a dance?) But at least he was nice, friendly, talkative and shared some singles information with me for the next few songs we didn’t dance. He told me to friend him on Facebook and he’d introduce me to lots of single people and singles activities. I tried to believe his excuse was real, and I didn’t see him dance once the entire night, so maybe it was the truth. But it was still a rejection!

At a subsequent dance I saw the same man (Reject #2, lets call him), this time dancing, and thought, “Hmm! His leg must be better.” I didn’t give him the evil eye or anything, I didn’t even stare at him, but before I knew it, the song had ended and he made his way over to me and asked me to dance–three songs in a row. So maybe he rejected me for a legitimate reason? Or maybe he was just trying to make up for his initial bad manners! Lol.

Too bad I’m not a gambler. Sometimes I have incredible luck. I mean, what are the odds of asking a man to dance and getting rejected? And getting rejected two dances in a row? For that matter, what are the odds of marrying a man who does what my former spouse did?

Lucky me.

However, a bright spot in the single life, a bit of glue that helps me hold it all together and keeps me going in the social “game” of dating and the unexpected life that is now mine, are singles lunches. (And I owe them to the second man who rejected me. He told me he’d introduce me to some great single people and singles activities and he did.)

Singles lunches are the best thing I’ve done as a single woman. They’re the most fun I’ve had, too. It’s just a group of singles under 45 years old who get together once a week for lunch. A different restaurant every week. You pay for yourself. And right up front the group informs you: don’t come to fall in love; just come, eat lunch and make friends.

The lunches are no pressure. They don’t cut into my evenings or my time with my children. I’ve only met friends there. Kind friends who text or call me to check on me occasionally or to let me know of a great activity I shouldn’t miss. Those lunches are my oasis in the desert of my single life! (A little dramatic, I’m just trying to emphasize how great I think they are. Thanks, Adam, for inventing them and coordinating them. I have loved participating in them!)

A bright spot amid my share of board breakers!

And yet, the dating continues despite the board breakers.

I just can’t give up searching for that happy ending.

A Message

Date: August 7, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives” (Sue Murphy)

That’s how I’ve spent quite a few moments of my life.

I forget about things sometimes. Sometimes, even important things. That impulsive act of attempting to contact my birth mother, believe it or not, was no different.

Impulsively, I had done something huge; I sent a message to my birth mother and then…I pretty much forgot about it. (Either that, or such is the life of a single mother, the sole parent and support of four children, working full-time, busy, and tending to homework, housework, never-ending laundry, keeping track of the bills, and everything else. It’s easy to forget things.)

And then just as I’d forgotten about what I’d done a few weeks earlier, I got an unexpected message from Facebook:

“Oh my gosh! Are you who I think you are?”

My birth mother.

I NEVER expected that.

The message couldn’t have been more friendly, loving, and willing to share information. My birth mother even gave me her phone number and encouraged me to call. She was absolutely friendly and nice and welcoming!

I was stunned.

It was completely unexpected.

I had been prepared so well my entire life for rejection that I was shocked at not being rejected!

The Felony Diet

Date: March 25, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

There’s another bonus of the unexpected life I can’t forget to mention.

I call it “The Felony Diet.”

It’s simple, really.  No special workout regimen, no special meals, nothing to prepare.  Just live a day like March 18, 2009, and you won’t believe the results!

I lost SEVEN POUNDS the first day, Wednesday, March 18, 2009.

I lost two pounds the second day.

Without even trying.

Beat that, Weight Watchers.

But I have just one question:  what kind of shock and stress results in weight loss like that?

More than any words I can conjure up to attempt to express how I felt and what I lived through, to me, “The Felony Diet” says it all.