Living Happily Ever After
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Blog Articles

Firsts

Date: August 30, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Whenever a thing is done for the first time, it releases a little demon.” (Emily Dickinson)

Firsts.

I’m living a lot of them lately.

My first child, my oldest son, “moved out” (just a few miles away) last weekend to attend Brigham Young University. He went to his first day of classes yesterday, called me as soon as the first one was over and said, “THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!” (That was a first, too; to have him so excited about…school. He was my child who returned home from his first day of kindergarten to announce he didn’t need to go back, he’d learned everything there possibly was to learn that day!)

My middle son is playing his first football game of the season tonight. (Go, Timpanogos!)

My last child started a new daycare last week and begins kindergarten today. He is excited to go to school for the first time despite his oldest brother’s warning that said youngest brother’s life “is about to end.” (That’s how the oldest brother viewed school:)

As for the mother, I’m counting my blessings that I treasured every moment of childhood and motherhood since it all began over 18 years ago; and I’m trying hard not to cry too much too often (although I’m sure my boys would say I’m failing miserably at that one!) as I release my beloved “demons” to experience some firsts of their own.

Exciting times.

“Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity – a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.” (Rose Kennedy)

Just Say Yes

Date: December 13, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.” (Joseph Campbell)

Because you never know where you’re going to find it. Case in point: my 10-year-old’s football team party to celebrate their season.

It took place in Utah County over the weekend. Due to a prior commitment, I was unable to attend so I asked my oldest to take his brother to the party. He didn’t go unwillingly, yet it probably wasn’t the thing he wanted most to do on a Saturday night.  (I can’t blame him, he’s a senior in high school. I’m sure he had more “mature” plans.) I reminded him to look upon each opportunity as an adventure.

So he went. Anticipating an ordinary team celebration. But instead, texted me after they arrived at the address for the team party with this message:  ”I’m in Larry King’s house!” (Yes, THE Larry King, of “Larry King Live.” Apparently, he has a connection to Utah and a home here.)

My boys had planned on enjoying a fun evening, spent with a football team comprised of 5th grade boys. What they got, instead, was that and a whole lot more: a rare brush with “celebrity” and the opportunity to do something out of the ordinary.

I could only ask this of my sons when they arrived home: “Aren’t you glad you said, ‘Yes?’ Aren’t you glad you went to the party?”

Life is kind of like that. You wake up every morning, face each new day and often, never imagine what great albeit unexpected opportunities will have been yours by the time you go to sleep that evening.

Just say, “Yes.”

And you’ll be guaranteed some memorable moments.

“He’s had his ups and down. Now, it’s lately been nothing but ups.” (Larry King)

Reality

Date: November 6, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Reality is the #1 cause of insanity among those who are in contact with it.”

My grandpa was a cute, gentle, nice, loving man. He was short, bald, soft spoken, kind to children, served in his state House of Representatives, was a farmer  and wore white patent leather shiny shoes when he dressed up. He was a 1970s Lifesavers commercial come to life. I never knew anyone who didn’t love him.

I was with my former father-in-law, once, and was completely struck by the different grandfather my children had: tall, with thick dark hair, tan skin, a big tattoo, played college football, was a Golden Glove boxer in the Navy, and worked in construction.

It made me laugh. My children certainly were living a different reality from the one I had.

This morning I was reminded of that, again, as my youngest sang me a song, over and over, before I left for work. It went like this (sung to the tune of “The Farmer In The Dell”): “The farmer in the jail, the farmer in the jail, heigh-ho the dairy-oh, the farmer in the jail.”

I told my son I loved his song. And then I explained, “It actually goes like this,” sang it for him the traditional way, and taught him what a “dell” is. But he didn’t buy it at all.

“No, it’s not, Mom. The farmer is in JAIL.” (I don’t think jail was even in my vocabulary when I was his age. Like I said, my children are certainly living a different reality from the one I had! It’s funny, what becomes your reality, based on your unexpected life and its experiences.) We had a discussion about farmers and what good people they are, that they’re working on their farms, not in a jail; but my argument fell on the deaf ears of a preschooler.

Long story short, he wouldn’t change his song. Or his belief.

Last year that little ditty would have panicked me. Today, I simply dropped my son off at daycare and thought, “Hmm, those children are going to learn a new song today!”

I realized I’ve accepted my unexpected life. I’m comfortable, again, in my own skin. I don’t dread the “P” word (prison.) And it feels good.

Not to mention it can be VERY entertaining!

“I am biased to my show as a whole but it is still very entertaining.” (Rob Mariano)

In Charge

Date: October 29, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

The day we met Cheryl Preheim we spent time in our home and in the canyon not far from our home. Eventually, I had to leave the canyon and take my middle son to football practice.

Cheryl asked, “How about if your older two children stay here with Ken and I, we’ll talk to them alone and take them home when we’re done?”

I hadn’t expected that, for some reason. I hadn’t prepared myself, or them, for that experience. I have amazing children, but still, it’s kind of huge to leave your teens alone, in front of a camera that’s recording–who knows what they’ll say? But in life, especially the unexpected one, you’ve got to improvise. I’ve flown by the seat of my pants a lot since March 18, 2009. So I drove away.

When we were back at my home, Cheryl caught me alone and said, “I have to tell you about our interview.”

I died inside.

I sort of panicked. And I’m ashamed to say, I imagined the worst.

“What?” I asked. “They didn’t argue or fight did they? They weren’t rude, were they?” That would be just my luck to display, not for the first time (please see 2009′s media reports on Shawn Merriman and the revelation of his Ponzi scheme if you don’t know what I’m talking about!) the finest aspects of our character, our finest moments, publicly, in the media.

Cheryl laughed and said, “Don’t worry! Your children are amazing. I just sat and heard your teenage son tell me life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% what you do with it. I can’t believe it.” She shared something inspiring my daughter had said, as well, and the mother in me calmed down.

Instead, it was one of those parent paydays. You parents out there know what those are. You love, labor to teach, serve, and expend your energies helping your children grow and develop and learn all they need to…and you don’t always see the fruits of your efforts right away. But if you’re lucky, every now and then, you get glimpses of the amazing adults they’re on track to become. It reminds you how worth it all is, how much fun it has all been. That’s how that day turned out for me.

Coincidentally, the thought about attitude my son referenced is part of a quote Cheryl had heard before. She loved it so much she carried it with her. And she left that thought, in the form of a fridge magnet, for us when she left. Here it is:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.” (Charles R. Swindoll)

Thanks, Cheryl. (And Charles.)

I believe the only way you’re going to get through life and rise above your challenges is to take charge–and keep a good attitude. It is something I’ve come to realize the longer I’VE lived. And when you can’t control the the unexpected events that become your life, it’s comforting to be in charge of something.

Thank goodness we’re always in charge of the most important thing.

Attitude.

“I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.” (Karl Wilhelm von Humboldt)


Bachelor #7: The Tallest Man in The World

Date: June 27, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

The one thing you could call my new life is unexpected. Definitely.

And if you were going to name my divorce anything, aside from unexpected (definitely), I would say it should be called, “The Divorce of Dating Basketball Players.” Bachelor #7 is just one more reason why.

When I was single the first time, in the beloved 1980s, I loved athletes and tall men. I dated some basketball players, football players, golfers, swimmers, rugby players, baseball players, volleyball players, even a gymnast (that is a blog in itself!); but the tallest guy I ever dated was a 6’8″ U.S. Olympic Volleyball player. My divorce changed all of that.

My divorce of Dating Former Basketball Players.

Now the tallest man I’ve ever dated is a 6’9″ former college basketball player.

Hello, Bachelor #7.

He was a very handsome, very fit, very nice man who had been married even longer than I had been. (I didn’t meet many men who had been married to the same woman for 20 years or longer.) He had a good job, financial stability and owned his own home. (Also not that common, in my single experience.) Our birthdays were one month apart. He loved to travel and spoke Spanish. His kids were in college, he had a very carefree existence and worked out two hours every day at the gym. (Who has time for that? A single man!)

The usual first date conversation always included questions about how long you were married, why you got divorced and when you got divorced. Bachelor #7 didn’t ask me any of that. So I asked him. He hesitated on that last question. He looked at me, sheepishly, and told me I didn’t want to know when he’d divorced. Of course, then, I had to know.

Hesitatingly, he said, “June 2009.” He didn’t want to tell me when he’d divorced because it had occurred so “recently.” He was afraid I’d run the other way. I just laughed. And he was the one who laughed when I told him I’d divorced even more recently than that–July 2009!

Neither of us had met anyone as new to everything that was the unexpected, single life as we both were. Our inexperience bonded us. We laughed a lot and had a lot of fun. We helped each other adjust. We helped each other heal.

He introduced me to his passion: scuba diving.

He even took me to his work parties. Talk about pressure! Going on a date and knowing your behavior could positively or negatively impact a man’s career! THAT was a lot of trust he placed in me. We joked about that–and that fact that we hoped my leopard-print heels and friendly conversation got him a promotion! (I’ll say one thing about Bachelor #7. It was so nice to wear any heel of any height and not worry about my height. Even at 5’9″ and in heels, I never even got close to being able to see over his shoulder!)

It was definitely a relationship of “opposites attract.” Those who know me best know how absolutely un-technological I am, especially when it comes to computers. Bachelor #7 was an I.T. guy!

We were at the same stage of divorce recovery–happy being single, not anxious to get married the first year after our divorce, but neither of us wanted to be single three years later. (Aren’t we particular? I hope our plans work out for us! Lol.)

We went through some “firsts” together, too, like first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Year’s Eve single again, going on a date on his original wedding anniversary, etc… Yet he could never quite get past the fact that I had “four children and not one of them were his.” (His words.)

I could not get past his height, believe it or not (and one or two other less shallow things!) Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE height. So I was shocked to discover I eventually thought he was too tall! I didn’t like having to hold my arm “up” when he held my hand. I wasn’t used to that. The voice of experience, (my teenage son) told me to get over it; “welcome to the world of how it is for most women, or short women, when they hold hands with someone.”

But I couldn’t. As Julia Roberts said, “I’m too tall to be a girl. I’m between a chick and a broad.”

I couldn’t get over that, or the sense that Bachelor #7 just wasn’t that into the idea of raising a four-year-old. I couldn’t blame him. He’s turning 50 this year!

We dated about five months and just drifted apart. I guess I got busy with other things (other people.) He finally asked if I’d met someone. I responded to that query in my usual way of responding to something I don’t want to–I ignored it and didn’t respond! Instead, I lined him up with a friend of mine.

I hope they hit it off.

Adios, to the tallest man in MY world! Adios, Bachelor #7.

Life Cycles…And Jewels

Date: April 1, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

You know, it’s funny how life cycles.

I’ve noticed how just when I think I have conquered a challenge in my life, or overcome a shortcoming, sooner or later life comes at me again, in a new way, and I get to refine myself even more in that particular area.

For example, patience.  I struggled with patience as a child, yet by the time I became a young adult, I felt I had mastered my temper and impatience.  I was patient.  All was good for a few years, and then I became a mother.  I developed patience in entirely new ways as a result of being blessed with children.  I was really patient.  All was good, and then I became the daughter of a mother with brain damage and personality changes as a result of strokes and health challenges and I developed new aspects of patience.  The list of life experiences that have helped me refine myself in the area of patience is long and continues…even with the events of 2009.

Honesty, however, is one area of my life I can honestly say (pun intended!) I have been close to perfect in.  My parents drilled the importance of honesty and integrity, in all things.  We were raised to be CHRISTENSENS, and as such, we had to be an example to others, we needed to be honest and live good lives, and bring honor to the good name our ancestors had passed on to us.

So 2009 was a shock to me.  I couldn’t believe the dishonesty one man was capable of.  I couldn’t believe I knew a person so dishonest–much less, was married to him! But what shocked me even more were fleeting thoughts I had.

I had been left in poverty, homeless, unemployed, and had four children depending on me for survival.  I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit to thinking, fleetingly, “I could hide something of value from the government.  I could try to hide something that I could sell to support my children.”

And then just as fast, I thought, “I have lived a life of integrity my entire life!  WHY would I throw that away now?  And for worthless THINGS that will stay here when I die?  I’m not going to sell MY soul for THINGS! I am honest, always have been, and I will remain honest even in this.”  I also didn’t want ANY of Him to have rubbed off on me.

I remembered a story from the life of  a good man named David B. Haight.  He played college football at the University of Utah and told of how he could have moved the football half an inch to win a championship game and no one but him would have known what he had done.  Instead, he chose to be honest and his team lost the game.

Sure there was a moment when I shocked myself with the thought to try to secure something for my children.  In fact, that was the moment that surprised me–I was an honest person, always had been, I didn’t expect to think even a thought about another alternative. I chose to remain honest.  I chose not to attempt to secure something for my children. I “didn’t move the football.”  (I even thought, “Maybe if I am 100% honest I will escape some hatred and persecution.”  That didn’t work out, to my knowledge, but I stand by my decision to remain honest!)

And really, the bank, the government, anyone could take my home or anything I owned, they could take my diamonds and other jewelry, but I would still have my jewels.  My children.  My children have always been my jewels.  And they are priceless to me.

So I did it.  Some would say I lost practically everything, and I did lose a lot materially, but I kept my honesty and integrity intact AND…I got to keep my jewels!

The price of integrity? Priceless.