Living Happily Ever After

test123

Blog Articles

Beautiful

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin.  That, or a [striking] red lipstick.” (Gwyneth Paltrow)

When my sister and I were young, we went through our own unique awkward stages. My sister’s was a particular challenge given her poor eyesight and her good fortune to land the position as my dad’s chief orthodontic experiment on a new appliance, the Frankel. (Don’t ask. Lets just say it was a giant box-like, retainer-type contraption with wires and pink material galore that when worn, made my sister’s lips and cheeks bulge out to contain her mouthful!) Thankfully, her natural beauty and her great personality saw her through those times because she always seemed to have boy friends, and boys with crushes on her, way more than I ever did and even using those “awkward” years.

They led to some pretty romantic moments. For example, once, while riding from Denver to Grand Jct., Colorado in the late 1970s, with their moms chatting in the front seat, a boy serenaded her with, “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker. Picture it: two kids in the backseat of a car on a road trip with their moms, and the boy sings his devotion along the Colorado highways! I was pretty uncomfortable with romantic gestures at that point of my life, so when she got home and told me about it, we had such a laugh over that one! I’ve never been able to hear that song again without thinking of my sister’s romantic experience, her first serenade.

Then I married #5, my husband Mike, a self-described “crooner.” I’ve already documented my experience when he first sang me a song—it turned out MUCH better than anticipated, for me! Lol. And then one night, while sitting at the piano and singing, he started that song, “You Are So Beautiful.” I cringed, bracing myself for a song that had never been my favorite, particularly after my sister’s experience with it…but something unexpected happened. (As usual. I ought to be getting used to that by now, huh?) Turns out, it was a VERY different experience than my sister’s romantic rendition of the 1970s.

There I sat watching and listening to the man I love sing it to me, smile at me as he sang, raise his eyebrows at me during key passages in the lyrics, and with his own voice (which I love—it’s my favorite!) rather than Joe Cocker’s hoarse, grunting style (my apologies to any Joe Cocker fans out there), made me feel like he meant every word. It was quite a moment. Unexpectedly romantic. And guess who actually likes that song now? Me. After more than three decades of abhorring it!

“You Are So Beautiful.” (Kind of him to sing, especially after 44 years of wear and tear and four children resulting in wrinkles, sags, bags, and everything else that blesses your life in middle age. He’s either blind or, as I suspect, the kindest and nicest man on the planet.)

But while we’re on the subject or beauty, here’s a tip from Audrey Hepburn (who knew what she was talking about!): “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”

Remember that, and you’re beautiful. No matter who sings it.

If Real Life Was Like The Movies

“Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It…is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation.” (Dan Quayle)

Still no ring, but we had survived our first “intense discussion.” And while the wait for the ring continued, Bachelor #5 helped take my mind off the wait. One day I got a very unexpected email, and invitation, from Bachelor #5: “Hey, I just had a crazy idea. What if you and I fly to Hawaii for a long weekend? Let me know what you think.”

Since 1993, in 17 years, I had left my children a total of 17 nights. The pre-unexpected life me would have declined that invitation without a second thought. But I was living an entirely different life, now, and the “new” me decided to at least entertain the idea. I just needed to see how my children felt about it. They were supportive, so I arranged for childcare, and one morning a few weeks later found myself on my way to Hawaii.

I never expected that.

We stayed with Bachelor #5′s best friends, a husband and wife he had known since college. (In fact, he introduced them to each other.) It was wonderful to meet them. As Bachelor #5 and I both had ties to Hawaii, it was also a great opportunity for us to see our old favorite places but make new memories with each other. The trip reinforced to me how many “near misses” we’d had; how close we’d been to meeting each other, but never actually met until my unexpected life began.

For example, while attending BYU-Hawaii, Bachelor #5 participated in a performing group. Imagine my surprise when we realized I’d gotten a piano scholarship from the group’s professor and director but I’d turned it down and attended college, instead, at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

Another example: My parents co-owned a home on Oahu’s Hukilau Beach when I was a girl. I spent time there boogie boarding every summer. I’d taken my children to that same beach for several years to share part of my childhood with them. And then I found myself sharing that same experience with Bachelor #5. While we were in the water looking toward the houses on shore, Bachelor #5 pointed out the house he’d lived in during his time in Hawaii–four houses down the beach from my parents’ house! I remembered college men had lived there (I’d seen them on the beach occasionally, I just never paid much attention to them because they were “older” than me.) I never realized that Bachelor #5 may have been one of them!

It reminded me of a movie I saw years ago starring Gwyneth Paltrow. Actually two movies in one, it showed one plot and story that took place as she made it onto a subway car before the door closed and a parallel version and story with different events, experiences and developments that took place when she missed the subway and the door closed before she could board. Interestingly, by the end of the movie, both stories took her to the same destination and life situation; both versions had the same ending, just chronicled different events that got her to the same point at the end.

While in Hawaii, I couldn’t help but compare that bit of Hollywood fiction to my reality.

“And if real life was like the movies, I should have lived happily ever after.” (Piper Laurie)

It was healing to realize, again, that sometimes we really do have to pass through indescribably difficult things to get to where we need to be; that all things truly can work together for our good IF we allow them to. And if we don’t quit too soon or give up (even when we’re overwhelmed with the path our journey has taken) we can trust that we’ll end up right where we have needed to be all along. Possibly even at the same “ending.” Our own “happily ever after.”

“Nothing is so awesomely unfamiliar as the familiar that discloses itself at the end of a journey.” (Cynthia Ozick)