Living Happily Ever After
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Then It Was Gone

Date: August 25, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.” (Oscar Wilde)

I heard from Bachelor #5 again.

He emailed me, thanked me for going to dinner, told me I was a trooper for living through what I’d gone through and remaining positive and seeking to create a happy life… and then he continued with his busy life, the holidays, and travel.

He was organized, planned his life and was sort of on a “schedule.” He kept in touch via email about once a week. He texted me about once a week. He asked me out once a week, depending on his travel and schedule, and as busy as we both were, I’m amazed I was usually available the nights he asked me out. He took me to dinners, a dance class, musicals, plays–always fun and unique things, especially compared to most of the men I dated.

I met his friends and some of his children. He always had a story to tell about something, and was always very nice. He was also my divorce expert: he had been divorced three years longer than me and had lived through everything I was facing. He was very thoughtful to check in with me after my “firsts” (first Christmas, etc…) to see how things went.

But that’s as far as my analysis of Bachelor #5 went. I had pre-determined he was too old for me; I certainly didn’t think he “liked” me! He was just a nice, older bearded man that I assumed felt bad for me, a newly single mom.

Then one night he picked me up for a date. I looked over at him as he was backing out of the driveway talking to me and I was struck by how different he looked. I felt like I was looking at a stranger! I couldn’t figure out what was causing my confusion. I thought I knew him, but all of a sudden I felt like I didn’t.

And then it hit me. He had shaved, the beard was gone.

I was stunned by how young he looked and how nice looking I thought he was. It was like I had never seen him before. (And I probably hadn’t. With the gray beard, I had never really looked–had never let myself look.)

“And when I heard this thing, I rent my garment and my mantle, and plucked off the hair of my head and of my beard, and sat down astonied.” (The Bible)

No Instinct Whatsoever

Date: March 21, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

I arrived “home.”  My spouse met me in the back yard, handed me a phone, told me it was his attorney, and that his attorney wanted to speak with me.

I took the phone, put it to my ear, the attorney introduced himself and said, “Andrea, I know we haven’t met yet, but I am so sorry for the day you must be having.  I can’t imagine what you must be thinking and how you must be feeling.  I am so sorry for the circumstances that led to this day for you and your children. And I’m sorry for the many days ahead.”

I don’t know what I expected from an attorney.  I’d never spoken to one, professionally, before.  But I didn’t expect him to be so kind to me, yet at the same time, I was completely distrustful.  I didn’t know who or what to believe any more.  The kind tone of his voice made me begin to cry. Again.

I asked, through my tears, “How do I know you’re telling me the truth? How do I know you are who you say you are? How do I know you aren’t involved in all of this and that this is not just another deception for my benefit? How can I believe anything you say?”

He told me he could understand why I felt that way and all he could do was assure me he had never met or heard of my spouse until two days earlier, when my spouse had walked into the attorney’s legal office and confessed what He had done.

I wish I were a better writer.  I wish I had the capability to express how scared I was; how alone I felt; and how it felt to turn to a literal stranger on the phone.  But I didn’t know what else to do.  I didn’t know who to trust or even who to turn to for help.  I felt like a fugutive.  And I needed someone to tell me what to do.

“What do I do now?” I asked.

He told me I needed to hire an attorney.  I, who had never cheated in school; I, who had never stolen so much as a grape from the grocery store without paying for it; I, who had always tried to live a life of complete and total integrity; I, who wouldn’t even let myself indulge in “white lies” needed an attorney? I couldn’t comprehend it.  I could not believe the position I was in through no fault or action of my own.  And it scared me.

But his next words terrified me.

“And whatever you do, don’t go near a bank.  Don’t touch any of your bank accounts.  Don’t try to access any money!” he warned.

OOPS.

Don’t you love how my one and only reaction was THE ONLY THING I should not have done? Obviously, I wasn’t cut out for a life of crime.  I just don’t have the natural instinct for it. Another reason to never try sky diving.