Living Happily Ever After

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Shrek II

With each new day, September got closer. He’d passed the ultimate slow dance test, but before I uttered THE words, I reassured myself regarding my decision by asking Bachelor #5 every question I could think of, every possible scenario I could brainstorm, and he patiently addressed them all.

I couldn’t believe it, but I continued to uncover layers of Bachelor #5.

One day, he mentioned in passing something about a master’s degree. I’d known him at least 6 months and it was the first time, apparently, THAT had come up! I stopped and asked, “Hold on, did you just say you have a MBA?” He said, “Yes, why?” I replied, “I can’t believe you’ve never told me that before. I’ve known you this long and it’s the first time you mentioned it!” He said, “Well, I told you I taught some college classes several years ago…” Yes, but I hadn’t stopped to think about what that implied. Another layer discovered.

He took my children and I to a park in the canyon near my home to play tag. Guess who couldn’t be caught? My teenage son looked at me and said, “Mom, I don’t think he’s that old! He’s really fit–and fast! I wouldn’t worry about his age any more.” Another layer gone.

Then there was the time he got on a trampoline and taught my four-year-old how to do flips. I was thinking he was pretty spry for a grandpa of 48 years old–and then when he was alone on the trampoline and thought no one was watching, he started jumping really high. Right about the time I noticed him jumping high, and started to worry he was going to hurt himself, he did a Russian! (Any former cheerleaders out there who know what that is?) The twenty-something former cheerleader I was talking to looked at me and raised her eyebrows. She really liked Bachelor #5 and probably wanted to ask, “And you think he is ‘old,’ why?” Another layer gone.

I realized, “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese” (Billie Burke)

REALLY Fast

“I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.” (Muhammad Ali)

I’m thinking Bachelor #5 could have given Muhammad Ali a run for his money. I didn’t have an answer to the marriage question, much less the idea of September, all I could say was, “THAT is REALLY fast!”

And as Bachelor #5 acknowledged it was fast, he didn’t let me off the hook by saying, “no pressure,” and I sure felt the difference! I finally felt some pressure to begin thinking about things in earnest. However, I wasn’t sure I could decide such an important thing at that stage of my life, much less on a “deadline.”

“Oh! do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch.” (Jane Austen)

Bachelor #5 added, “And when you decide, if you decide the way I hope you do, you only have to say two words, ‘It’s time,’ and I’ll take care of the rest. That’s all I want to hear, ‘It’s time’.”

I didn’t know what I was going to decide. But I owed it to myself, my children and Bachelor #5 to make a decision. It was time to get serious with my thoughts.

Very serious.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” (Jack Handey, SNL)

With Change Comes…Shrek

“Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.” (Robert C. Gallagher)

Change is inevitable. The new level changed things, like disrupted Bachelor #5′s “schedule.” I saw him just three days later, instead of the usual week between dates. We went for a drive and then to a park to talk. In the middle of our conversation, he looked at me and asked, “By the way, when is your birthday?”

I replied, “August 25th.”

He didn’t respond the way I expected him to. Instead, his eyes got big and he said, “NO WAY! Did you google me or something?”

Did I google him? No! And I hadn’t even thought to. When I asked why he’d asked me such a thing, he replied, “August 25th is my birthday too!” I had known we had a lot in common. I just had no idea how much–even the same birthday! (Although mine was several years later, in case anyone hasn’t been paying attention. Lol.)

Our conversation continued. During the course of the evening, we covered a gamut of topics, including some shallow (I admit it) concerns I expressed. Bachelor #5 responded optimistically to every one of them.

I told him I thought he was too old for me. His response? “Don’t worry about it. You’ll be amazed at how 38 years old I can look with Botox and by covering the gray in my hair.”

I’d been told it is very characteristic for men to date “down” a decade when they’re single, especially after a divorce, and in my experience, that was true much of the time. Men in their 30s, dated women in their 20s. Men in their 40s, dated women in their 30s and so forth. I replied, “Well, if you look 38 years old, then you might want to date someone who is 38 years old–or even younger. You probably ought to consider that.” Bachelor #5 shook his head no and said, “I’ve found the age I want.”

So I brought up height. I told him I thought he was too short for me–that I had some really high heels I loved and wouldn’t be able to wear around him. He said, “How tall are you? I’m taller than you. Wear whatever shoes you want; I’ll be Tom Cruise, you can be Katie Holmes!” And he laughed.

I mentioned some other “issues” as well, but he had an upbeat answer for every one of them. He even told me he appreciated knowing exactly how I felt and exactly what I thought; he said he found it refreshing! (Not many men can say THAT.)

The final “issue” of the evening concerned his piano playing. We had different ideas about it. He thought it was a positive thing; I wasn’t so sure. Piano had always been my thing, I’d never shared it with any man. When I told him that, he looked at me in shock. In his experience, women enjoyed men who could play the piano (and sing), and there I was telling him it was a strike against him! He probably shook his head and thought, “I just can’t win with this woman.” But instead he said, “Never mind then! YOU can have the piano, I won’t play the piano any more. I’ll play the guitar!”

He played the guitar too?

I never knew that.

And in that moment it became clear to me. I was not just dating a grandpa, I was not spending time with simply a reformed Santa (thanks to his shave), and I was not just chatting with a very nice, patient, good man–I was dealing with Shrek! This man had layers. Every single time I was with him, I learned something new about him. And every time I did, it was something I liked. Quite a different experience from the dark and destructive revelations of 2009 that led to my divorce and unexpected life, when everything new thing I discovered was even worse than the revelation before it.

I was dating Shrek! I never expected that.

“Ogres are like onions…Onions have layers. Ogres have layers…You get it?” (“Shrek”)

I was beginning to.