Living Happily Ever After

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Flowers: A Sign of Healing

“I hate flowers – I paint them because they’re cheaper than models and they don’t move.” (Georgia O’Keefe)

Unlike Georgia, I love flowers. I love to smell them. I love to see them. I love to plant them. A big part of my life has always been planting flowers every year–as a girl, I loved helping my mom plant flowers each spring; and I’ll never forget my first spring as a married woman, living in my own home, planting my first flowers.

However, when I entered my unexpected life two years ago, I gave up a few things (and I’m not talking about the “things” seized by the federal government.) For example, I didn’t play the piano for awhile. And then when I reached a point where I did play the piano again, I realized some healing had taken place.

It wasn’t always a conscious decision. Sometimes, as I healed and began doing something I hadn’t done in awhile again, I realized what had happened.

I had one of those unexpected epiphanies the other day.

It came as a result of a trip to a nursery. We, #5 and I, bought what we needed to plant a small garden, along with some flowers to plant in the yard. I spent part of an afternoon planting all of the flowers, thoroughly enjoying myself. And when I was done, I admired what I had created. I felt so energized and that feeling lasted all day.  I even had the thought, “Wow, I feel like my ‘old self’ again.” And then it hit me.

For the first time in my unexpected life, I planted flowers.  For the first time, since spring 2008, I planted flowers! I marveled at the healing. I mean, I didn’t plant flowers because money was so short but also because I had no energy or inclination to–I had too many other things to wade through, to take care of, to worry about and flowers were the least of my problems. Like so many other things from my former life, I guess I thought that flower planting part of my life was over. I didn’t have jewels anymore, my children were my jewels. I didn’t grow flowers anymore, I was raising children.

But somehow, miraculously (to me), the new life with which I have been blessed is full, complete and it even includes flowers. I am healed. I realize, again, that Andrea Merriman is back! Only it’s Andrea Ramsey now. And she’s planting flowers!

“Flowers really do intoxicate me.” (Vita Sackville-West)

Hatch…Or Go Bad

“I don’t, for the record, have a Tweety Bird fetish.” (Brian Lamb)

But I have enjoyed some special birds.

Once, when I lived in my Colorado neighborhood, an owl took up residence on our front porch. He stayed with us for about 3 weeks and kept a close eye on us–rotating his head all the way around to look at a us, never missing a thing! It was very unexpected. And very typical of life–unexpected.

But the creatures I had the most dealings with for the 16 years I lived in my home were two particular birds: a sparrow and a robin.

The sparrow took up residence every year in the wreath that hung on my front door. Kind homeowner that I was, every fall when she flew away for the winter, I removed the nest and cleaned the bird mess off my front door and secretly hoped she wouldn’t return. But every year she did. When she arrived, she immediately set to work laboring long and hard to build a little nest in the wreath. Then she’d lay her little eggs there. And then she had to endure trying to protect her eggs as our front door opened and closed, and people came and went, throughout the day every day. I’m sure she never expected to live amid such turmoil!

But I have to give her credit for not only enduring her circumstances, but for never giving up; for returning each year, year after year, to do the same thing. It inspired me that she always made it–she built her nest, raised her babies, and survived the winter season to return and do it again.

The unexpected life requires emulation of the sparrow. You don’t expect what you’re handed, you never plan to live amid turmoil, you can’t control much of what you experience, but you can endure. That’s what the sparrow did. And she taught me you can do it year after year, for however long it takes, until you triumph over your challenges.

The robin took up her real estate in the pear tree outside my dining room window. I could stand in my dining room and look out the window and down into her nest. I got to enjoy a bird’s eye view without ever disturbing my bird-friend! She slaved to build her nest; she laid her eggs in it–beautiful, tiny blue eggs; and then she sat on them through rain and shine, sleet and heat and snow. Many times, I watched her huddled in her nest, her wings wrapped around her for protection against the heavy, wet, thick, Colorado spring snow that pounded her little nest relentlessly. But she, too, never gave up despite the heavy burdens that landed on her. And she still managed to not only hatch her eggs and raise her baby birds, but she sang while she did it. Year after year.

When my unexpected life began, I remember feeling a lot like that robin: burdened, huddled, trying to survive the temporary misery amid heavy snow.

The unexpected life requires emulation of the robin, too. Endure, and by virtue of never giving up, eventually conquer the things that are heaped upon you. Hang in there, eventually spring will come. Your burdens will lift (or you’ll have become strengthened and able to bear them) if you don’t give up. And for goodness sake, sing while you do it! There’s a reason Snow White whistled while she worked!

It has been two years since my last interactions with the robin and the sparrow. And now I realize something else, probably the most important thing of all. Thank goodness for the unexpected life, despite its turmoil, trauma, challenges and burdens. Because it forces us out of our shells and out of our nest, we have to fly or fail; hatch or go bad.

Growth is always a choice. In most cases, so is triumph. I love those little birds and their eggs that reminded me of that.

“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird; it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are all like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.” (C.S. Lewis)

Thank goodness for the unexpected life that keeps things fresh, and that helps us hatch and grow beyond being just ordinary, decent eggs.