Living Happily Ever After

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Another Stranger

Day two or three after the nightmare began, my college friend called.  She told me she was having trouble dealing with the whole situation. (They were our friends.  Her parents were some of His victims.)

“Do you realize,” she asked, “That we have been so upset that we can’t do anything?  We literally can’t function.  We can’t even feed our children!  We’re devastated.  We’ve been so betrayed.”

I could relate.

She told me she had learned things about Him she needed to share, to make sure I understood all that had been going on under my nose for 16 years.  Those clueless years. I listened.  I learned things I’d never known.

Then she said, “Andrea, do you realize if you walk away with anything, ANYTHING, from this you will be stealing like He did?  If you walk away with anything other than the clothes on your back, and your children, you’ll be stealing! Don’t you agree?”

Unfortunately I didn’t.

“Actually, no,” I replied. It was one of the few times, maybe the only time, in the history of our 22-year friendship I could remember disagreeing. “I will take anything the authorities allow me to have, and I will use it to rebuild a life for my children.  I guess until you have been left as I have, utterly destitute–with no home, no job, no money and four children to provide for–you can’t understand.  But I WILL take anything the government gives me and be grateful for it.”

We finished the conversation (I don’t remember the rest of what was said), said goodbye, and hung up.  I didn’t know that would be the last time we talked to each other.

Suddenly, another stranger in my life.

Sudden Strangers

March 18, 2009.  The first of many nights I allowed a stranger to sleep in my home.

That is exactly the way it felt.

I heard Him sleeping that night, probably the best sleep He’d had since 1994 when His crimes began.  He had lost everything, including His family, He was headed to prison, but He could finally sleep.

Ironic that I couldn’t sleep anymore, isn’t it?

I lay awake all night, crying, in shock, filled with dread and terrified at what lay ahead for my children and I.  And even more frightening than all of that was having Him in the house.  I felt like I didn’t know Him anymore.  At all. It was exactly like opening my home to a stranger off the street and fearing what He might do to my children and I in the middle of the night.

Sudden strangers.

I couldn’t believe how quickly a man I’d known for 21 years, and had been married to for nearly 20 years, suddenly became a stranger to me.

Day three after the nightmare began we were walking up the wooden steps to His shop behind our house.  I stepped on a broken board, my foot slipped through, I caught myself but not before He reached out to steady me.  As He did, His hand accidentally grazed my backside.

I didn’t anticipate how strange His touch had instantly become.  I was amazed at how wrong it seemed and how uncomfortable it made me.  But I didn’t say anything. He apologized for touching me; said He was just trying to steady me.

How strange this man who was once my husband (I thought) apologizes for touching me.

How strange that his touch made ME feel uncomfortable.

Sudden strangers.