Living Happily Ever After

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It’s A Lot Of Fun

“I can rock out anything. I mean, I can rock out a little ‘Time After Time’. I can do a little ‘Greased Lightning’. It depends on the mood…and it’s a lot of fun.” (Kristen Bell)

The extent of anything even approaching rocking out in my life took place, for the first and last time, during high school. I was the lead “singer” in an airband. I imitated Kim Wilde, we rocked “We’re The Kids In America,” and I have the pictures to prove it. Cut to 2011.

In honor of my husband’s 50th birthday, we went on a leaf peeping cruise with some of his family and friends. I wasn’t sure what to expect. We’d only been married 7 months, I didn’t know some of the people we were cruising with at all and I was nervous about leaving my children for 10 days. (In my entire 20 year marriage, all 7,300 nights of it if I’ve done the math correctly, I left my children a total of 16 nights–discounting hospitalizations, but those are another story! In fact, to avoid that very dilemma of leaving my children and for the sake of creating family memories, I’d taken my children to Africa, New Zealand, Turkey, Russia and many other places so that I could see the world and share it with my children without having to leave them. ) But my new husband is a big believer in couples’ “getaways.” So although wary about the whole thing, I agreed to go.

The closer we got to our departure, the more nervous I was, to which my husband would reassure me, “This is going to be great! Traveling without children is a WHOLE new world! You’ll be amazed at how fun it is, all the fun you can have, staying out late, dancing and socializing with adults!” So we went.

And the first night on the cruise ship, wouldn’t you know, we ended up in a karaoke lounge? I’m married to a performer, so it’s something he apparently is familiar with and participates in on occasion, however, my only brush with karaoke in my entire life was the karaoke scene in “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” when an apparently intoxicated Cameron Diaz belts out an awful performance and everyone claps and cheers her on anyway. But here’s what I learned that night in the Carnival karaoke lounge: I was surprised to discover how true-to-life that movie scene was.

Good, bad, or really terrible…anybody stood and sang for the room. The audience listened politely every time, cheered the singers on and actually clapped for them at the end! The really good performers got a louder show of appreciation, but everyone received pretty generous applause. I actually became a little more impressed at my fellow man after seeing them participate, on stage or in the audience, of karaoke! And I sat there innocently watching, not feeling threatened in the least by what was going on around me–it wasn’t my business or my world, at all, after all–until my husband said to me, “Ok, it’s your turn. What are you going to sing?”

NO.

I don’t “do” karaoke.

Never.

No way.

My husband wasn’t about to let me off easy, he insisted I participate, so I finally said, “I’ll only do it if they have ABBA,” knowing they’d never have music like that at karaoke. (I TOLD you I didn’t know anything about karaoke!) They had it. And before I knew what was happening, I found myself heading to the stage. Alone. Head spinning. All I could think was, “This is not me. This is not my life. This is not what I do. If someone had told me two years ago I’d EVER be doing karaoke…” Just the usual disbelief my old self has for the new me living the unexpected life.

I ended up singing a duet with the karaoke hostess who guided me through the whole experience because it was my first time. We even harmonized. Our own little version doing what Anni-Frid and Agnetha did best—”Dancing Queen.”

I don’t drink, so I can’t be sure, but I think it may not have been QUITE as bad as the movies.

“Everybody’s a filmmaker today.” (John Milius)

I wish I could say that was my last foray into film, but it wasn’t. It gets worse. Much worse.

Find Something to Be Grateful For

“The thing I’m most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands.” (Author Unknown)

Thanksgiving is coming; the season of turkey and expandable clothing. I can’t miss the signs of its approach: A local grocery store gives coupons for discounts on turkeys every time you shop. My sister called to discuss our family Thanksgiving plans. It has all reminded me of last Thanksgiving–my first Thanksgiving as a single mother; and of course, the year all of my siblings were destined to spend the holiday with their in-laws.

A part of me wished I could magically skip over the holiday and not have to face it. The “firsts” are always tough. But the single working mother part of me looked forward to the opportunity to spend four days in a row with my children. Thankfully, a wonderful friend and her family, mother and siblings invited my little family to share the day with them. They really took us under their wing and made us feel a part of their family. It was comforting, and feeling as alone as we felt in some ways, it was wonderful to feel a part of a crowd.

It was a perfect holiday for us; we were able to experience Thanksgiving and feel gratitude for our blessings without being overwhelmed by our losses. In fact, my children said it was their best Thanksgiving ever.

One thing I loved was the opportunity after the meal for each individual to express one thing they were grateful for. I was particularly struck by how many husbands and wives chose to share their gratitude for each other publicly. It touched me and inspired me. It gave me hope that all of that might again be mine someday…if I endured and didn’t give up too soon on the singles scene.

It was also the time I learned yet another new fact about life on “the inside.”

Did you know prison inmates bless their meal at Thanksgiving?

Yes, it’s true, despite the fact Hollywood has been remiss in portraying it. I’ve been told there are two days of the year inmates offer a blessing on the the food as a group: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last year, my ex-husband was asked to say the blessing on the food in his jail.

He wrote: “Today is Thanksgiving and 70 men asked me to bless the food. I asked one of the inmates why they chose me and he replied, ‘Because we see you reading the bible and your Book of Mormon and praying every day. We asked you because you are doing it, not just talking about it.’”

He blessed the food as asked and later that evening, offered a toast: “Thanksgiving is almost over. I made a hot cocoa and did a toast to our kids. I miss them more than you can possibly imagine.”

Last year reminded me that no matter you’ve lost, no matter where you are in your unexpected life and no matter where you reside, you can always (and should always) find something to be grateful for and express your gratitude for it.

“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” (Eric Hoffer, “Reflections On The Human Condition”)

But it’s also the most rewarding.