Living Happily Ever After
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The One That Left Them All Behind

Date: April 8, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman
“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.” (J.M. Power)

I woke up.

It was the day of my wedding.

I was calm, at peace, happy, excited and really didn’t have anything to worry about, except #5 showing up! (A snowstorm was in the forecast, and he was driving down with my two oldest children that morning.) It was getting pretty close to the time we needed to be at the Manti L.D.S. Temple, and just as I noticed that and began to worry about the snow and wonder if #5 was going to show up, I heard his voice in the kitchen.

He had arrived!

I confess, my heart did a little leap when I heard him.

I walked out to greet him and I confess, again, that my heart did another leap when I saw him. (Do I have a crazy crush, or what? I should probably marry the man!) He looked so handsome, standing there in his new wedding attire–dark suit, red tie–and his “longer” hair. (He auditioned for a film role that requires longer hair, so he’s been growing it for awhile. He was worried about the long hair and joked he’d have to photoshop his head onto our wedding photos because he looked so scroungy, but honestly, I’m kind of liking it!)

I rushed to finish getting ready, #5 soon informed me it was time to go, so I grabbed my dress and we drove to the temple.

Totally happy.

Totally in love.

Totally calm.

Totally at peace.

And then we were at the temple. As we walked toward the front doors, I couldn’t help but reflect on the previous generations of my family members who had done the very same thing at that very same temple: my parents, my grandparents, my great-grandparents  on both sides and many others. It was a beautiful building and the perfect place for me to embark on an entirely new adventure (slightly more expected than the last one, I might add!)

As we walked the halls of that sacred place, climbed the famous spiral staircase built by pioneers that still stands as an engineering marvel today, and entered the room we were married in I had only one thought: “This day is worth absolutely everything I endured to get here. Every single event that led to this moment, the waiting, the enduring, the challenges, everything…I would go through every single one of them, again, to learn what I have learned and to end up here with #5 today.” I believe that sometimes we have to go through very difficult things to get to exactly where we need to be.

And then we were married. The whole thing could not have been more perfect (except for my damp palms, I don’t know why I had them because I wasn’t nervous, but that wasn’t very romantic of me; my sincerest apologies to #5.) What I remember most about my wedding is that it all couldn’t have been more perfect! Through the whole thing I kept thinking, “This is absolutely perfect! This is my favorite wedding I have ever been to!” And it was.

At the end of the ceremony, the man performing our marriage and sealing told #5 to kiss his bride–so #5 did. Afterward, the sealer commented that it was one of the lengthier, thorough, and more “romantic” kisses he had ever witnessed in the temple, and without missing a beat #5 explained, “That’s because we’ve had a lot of practice!”

Although I’m pretty sure #5 was referencing my age, since I’m a newlywed, I’ll let it slide:) But let me say this:

“Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.” (“The Princess Bride”)

But I may be slightly prejudiced.:)

A Case of Bad Birthday Judgement

Date: April 8, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

It’s a fact.  Nobody is perfect.

And in 2009, like every other year, I didn’t handle every situation, perfectly, all of the time.

And probably no time did I exercise poor judgement in the eyes of outsiders more than my oldest son’s 16th birthday. Unfortunately for him, His dad chose to reveal His crimes a few weeks prior to his birthday.  So instead of the milestone birthday many teens mark, my son lost his entire life as he knew it, including any chance of a birthday present.  We had NO money.  Nothing material to give him.  Not the birthday experience I’d expected to provide for my oldest child at 16 years old, for sure.

His dad had purchased an Aston Martin V-8 Vantage a few years before.  My son LOVED that car.  His dream had been to drive that car and his dad had always said when our son turned 16, he could drive it. By the time my son actually was 16, however, his dad had turned himself in to the government authorities and confessed to running a ponzi scheme for the previous 15 or more years, all of our assets had been frozen, investigators had come to our home and had scheduled the car for seizure, and a Colorado spring snowstorm was coming.

In a fit of madness possibly only mothers of teenage boys/car enthusiasts could understand (or maybe my judgement was so off no one will ever understand!) I decided my son would take the Aston Martin for a 10-15 minute drive before snow came and the car was gone. For his birthday. As his present. It was all I had to give him.

I told my spouse the plan.  He was against it but for once, for the first time in our marriage, I didn’t listen to His opinion AT ALL and I honestly didn’t care what His opinion was.  My spouse had made His choices, and because of His choices, my children and I didn’t get to make any.  My son’s birthday was upon us, his reality and dreams had been shattered, and I had nothing to give him except a memory.

My spouse resigned himself to the decision I had made, but stipulated the drive had to take place in the dark so there would be less chance of neighbors and victims finding out. (We were under surveillance 24 hours a day.  Every move we made was watched and reported to the victims and the authorities.) Wrong again.  (Poor judgement, again, on my part.)  I was planning to take a picture of the drive that my son could keep to document his 16th birthday and the only “gift” he got.

Of course I (and my poor judgement) won.  My son took the Aston Martin for a 10-15 minute spin–and as he pulled out of the driveway I forced a smile, gave him a “thumbs up” hand sign, and snapped a photo of him in the driver’s seat. He was beaming! Thrilled.  I will never forget the look of delight on his face as he drove away.

I didn’t have a gift to give him, but I got to make one of his dreams come true instead.

Later that evening, as my spouse was driving my daughter to a class, a neighbor stepped in front of the car and stopped Him. He yelled, he cussed, he said the most vile and hateful and despicable things to my spouse IN THE PRESENCE OF MY DAUGHTER. She was sitting in the passenger seat and had to endure every word.  His tirade went on and on–and then he ran and told all of the neighbors what the Merrimans were up to in their house of crime.

My daughter was physically sick from the experience.

I believe both “sides” exercised poor judgement that day.  Believe it or not, I try to see all sides to the situation, and I have tried to do that from the very beginning. (Sometimes I feel like I, and a few select former “investors”, one of whom I have already written about, are the only few embroiled in the mess of my former spouse’s creation who do.) But poor judgement or not, I would not change a single choice I made relative to letting my son drive the Astin Martin and having that memory as his birthday gift.  One year later he is still talking about it, remembering it, and rejoicing in that 10 minute drive as only a teenage boy and car enthusiast can.

The next day the neighbor called me and apologized for doing what he did in front of my daughter. He said what he did was inexcusable.  I silently agreed with him…and then I forgave him. He is a decent man.  My judgement may be imperfect but my vision is clear.  I can see all sides.