It’s a fact. Nobody is perfect.
And in 2009, like every other year, I didn’t handle every situation, perfectly, all of the time.
And probably no time did I exercise poor judgement in the eyes of outsiders more than my oldest son’s 16th birthday. Unfortunately for him, His dad chose to reveal His crimes a few weeks prior to his birthday. So instead of the milestone birthday many teens mark, my son lost his entire life as he knew it, including any chance of a birthday present. We had NO money. Nothing material to give him. Not the birthday experience I’d expected to provide for my oldest child at 16 years old, for sure.
His dad had purchased an Aston Martin V-8 Vantage a few years before. My son LOVED that car. His dream had been to drive that car and his dad had always said when our son turned 16, he could drive it. By the time my son actually was 16, however, his dad had turned himself in to the government authorities and confessed to running a ponzi scheme for the previous 15 or more years, all of our assets had been frozen, investigators had come to our home and had scheduled the car for seizure, and a Colorado spring snowstorm was coming.
In a fit of madness possibly only mothers of teenage boys/car enthusiasts could understand (or maybe my judgement was so off no one will ever understand!) I decided my son would take the Aston Martin for a 10-15 minute drive before snow came and the car was gone. For his birthday. As his present. It was all I had to give him.
I told my spouse the plan. He was against it but for once, for the first time in our marriage, I didn’t listen to His opinion AT ALL and I honestly didn’t care what His opinion was. My spouse had made His choices, and because of His choices, my children and I didn’t get to make any. My son’s birthday was upon us, his reality and dreams had been shattered, and I had nothing to give him except a memory.
My spouse resigned himself to the decision I had made, but stipulated the drive had to take place in the dark so there would be less chance of neighbors and victims finding out. (We were under surveillance 24 hours a day. Every move we made was watched and reported to the victims and the authorities.) Wrong again. (Poor judgement, again, on my part.) I was planning to take a picture of the drive that my son could keep to document his 16th birthday and the only “gift” he got.
Of course I (and my poor judgement) won. My son took the Aston Martin for a 10-15 minute spin–and as he pulled out of the driveway I forced a smile, gave him a “thumbs up” hand sign, and snapped a photo of him in the driver’s seat. He was beaming! Thrilled. I will never forget the look of delight on his face as he drove away.
I didn’t have a gift to give him, but I got to make one of his dreams come true instead.
Later that evening, as my spouse was driving my daughter to a class, a neighbor stepped in front of the car and stopped Him. He yelled, he cussed, he said the most vile and hateful and despicable things to my spouse IN THE PRESENCE OF MY DAUGHTER. She was sitting in the passenger seat and had to endure every word. His tirade went on and on–and then he ran and told all of the neighbors what the Merrimans were up to in their house of crime.
My daughter was physically sick from the experience.
I believe both “sides” exercised poor judgement that day. Believe it or not, I try to see all sides to the situation, and I have tried to do that from the very beginning. (Sometimes I feel like I, and a few select former “investors”, one of whom I have already written about, are the only few embroiled in the mess of my former spouse’s creation who do.) But poor judgement or not, I would not change a single choice I made relative to letting my son drive the Astin Martin and having that memory as his birthday gift. One year later he is still talking about it, remembering it, and rejoicing in that 10 minute drive as only a teenage boy and car enthusiast can.
The next day the neighbor called me and apologized for doing what he did in front of my daughter. He said what he did was inexcusable. I silently agreed with him…and then I forgave him. He is a decent man. My judgement may be imperfect but my vision is clear. I can see all sides.
