Living Happily Ever After
test123

Blog Articles

The Irony of The Search

Date: August 17, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Be careful going in search of adventure – it’s ridiculously easy to find.” (William Least Heat-Moon)

It’s ironic that we ever met, my birth mother and I.

After we found each other via Facebook, she told me of her 10 year search. She had done everything she could think of to find me, but with no success. (We discovered she’d been given fake names for my parents, among other incorrect information when I was born.) And although she had listed her information on several registries that specialize in uniting birth parents and their children, I hadn’t heard of any of them. I wasn’t registered anywhere. I’d never planned to find her.

But for being thrust into my unexpected life and finally feeling the need for my medical history, we probably never would have found each other. And we certainly never would have met but for an impulsive act.

Years ago, she had the impression I knew who she was, where she was and that I had chosen not to contact her because I was happy and doing well. (That was true. I’d known her address since approximately 1997 and had never acted on the information.) She held to that belief, continued living her life, until early December 2009 when she fasted, prayed and meditated that she would find me.

When she got on Facebook weeks after that to check her inbox, she was stunned to see I had sent my impulsive message 2-3 days after her meditation!

“You know, I’ve often thought if I were much older, I might not have done that…As you get older, you get more conservative, but I was still young enough to be a little bit impulsive.” (Kirk Douglas)

And I’d been thinking I was old, too old, an “old bag!” Thank goodness I was still “young” enough to be impulsive about something. You’ll never guess what I think I have to thank for that: my unexpected life.

I’ve seen firsthand that you can do everything “right,” you can do everything in your power to achieve one specific outcome, you can be on course and living your dream but you still may end up with a completely different life– maybe even a life you didn’t necessarily want when it initially became yours. Starting over unexpectedly. Seeking to create a new life out of the ashes of the old. Finding new dreams.

And it’s ok.

I’ve learned it IS possible to start over even when you think you’re old. It IS possible to dig yourself out of the darkest disaster. It IS possible to have faith, hope and trust a lot more and to choose to worry a lot less. It IS possible to create a new life and to dream new and different dreams than you ever have before. And it IS possible to be equally happy in the new and unexpected life; maybe even happier.

I’m living proof of that.

Thanks to my unexpected life.

The Next Step

Date: August 8, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Do nothing in haste, look well to each step, and from the beginning think what may be the end.” (Edward Whymper)

It’s about time I stop to think about the above, huh?

I had acted in haste, I hadn’t considered any step beyond sending a message, and I certainly hadn’t thought what the end may be! I couldn’t quite take the next step and call, so I emailed back, shared a little bit more about me and my life, and gave her my phone number.

She called me the very next morning.

Her voice was kind, gentle and friendly. She apologized for not getting back to me earlier; she said she was never on Facebook, that her friend had put her on it, and she’d had QUITE a welcome surprise when she finally did get on it!

One of the first sentences she uttered was, “I want you to know, I didn’t have a choice regarding placing you for adoption.”

I assured her I was grateful she had and I appreciated what she had done for me. I told her I had been blessed with wonderful parents and a very full and amazing life with every opportunity, and more, that anyone could have ever wanted.

She told me the circumstances of my birth. She told me about my biological father. She told me some of my medical history. She told me she loved me.

The whole thing could not have been more unexpected or more positive or a better experience for me. I’m so glad she called!

It was an unexpected phone call that changed my completely unexpected life.

“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?” (Stephen Levine)

The wait was over.

A Message

Date: August 7, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives” (Sue Murphy)

That’s how I’ve spent quite a few moments of my life.

I forget about things sometimes. Sometimes, even important things. That impulsive act of attempting to contact my birth mother, believe it or not, was no different.

Impulsively, I had done something huge; I sent a message to my birth mother and then…I pretty much forgot about it. (Either that, or such is the life of a single mother, the sole parent and support of four children, working full-time, busy, and tending to homework, housework, never-ending laundry, keeping track of the bills, and everything else. It’s easy to forget things.)

And then just as I’d forgotten about what I’d done a few weeks earlier, I got an unexpected message from Facebook:

“Oh my gosh! Are you who I think you are?”

My birth mother.

I NEVER expected that.

The message couldn’t have been more friendly, loving, and willing to share information. My birth mother even gave me her phone number and encouraged me to call. She was absolutely friendly and nice and welcoming!

I was stunned.

It was completely unexpected.

I had been prepared so well my entire life for rejection that I was shocked at not being rejected!

WHAT Have I Just Done?

Date: August 6, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“A true history of human events would show that a far larger proportion of our acts are the result of sudden impulse and accident than of that reason of which we so much boast.” (Peter Cooper)

Without thinking, impulsively, I wrote a message.

Something like, “So sorry to bother you, and I hope I don’t give you a heart attack, but I’m wondering if you would be willing to share some medical information with an old friend from 1967?” (I tried to make it vague enough that if a spouse or children or anyone else who didn’t know about the situation found it, my birth mother’s cover would not be blown. I hoped she would be able to explain it away as a mistaken message from a stranger or an old friend from college.)

Before I thought about what I was doing, I had hit the “send button.”

“A first impulse was never a crime.” (Pierre Corneille)

Right?

I looked at the screen, thought, “What have I just done?” and called my sister.

“You WILL NOT believe what I have just done. And if you didn’t think I was crazy before, now you certainly will,” I told her.

Can you imagine being my sister?

She’s had more than her fair share of phone calls and conversations with completely unexpected news from me this past year . And yet she is gracious enough to continue to answer her phone! She couldn’t believe it. Then she called me each morning the next five days to see if I’d heard anything back regarding the message I sent.

I never did.

My sister asked if my feelings were hurt. I said no. I figured the woman had built a life and possibly hadn’t told anyone about me and couldn’t risk ruining a lifetime. I didn’t blame her. Besides, the thought to contact her had come to me so suddenly, and I’d acted on it so quickly, I hadn’t gotten emotionally vested in the outcome.

Tina Yothers said, “I’m pretty bulletproof as far as being hurt.” And thanks to the many unexpected events of 2009, so was I.

I had simply felt I had to try. It hadn’t worked out.

I didn’t know why I’d had the idea, but I had done all I could do. The no response was my answer.

I carried on.