Living Happily Ever After
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Magnetic Force

Date: March 7, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.” (Dave Barry)

Or, in the case of my engagement to #5, my children to him every time he stepped through the front door of our home. In honor of that (and because when I asked #5 to tell me what he will remember most about our engagement, without pause, he replied, “Magnetic Force”) this blog post is for him.

I’ve mentioned before that my children liked #5 from the moment they met him. Truth be told, they saw his potential before their mother did–each one made it a point to tell me how much they liked him (one even suggested I marry #5) the first time they met him. I appreciated their honesty in expressing what they thought and how they felt, but it also complicated things: while I would never marry someone my children didn’t like, I had to make sure I chose the man I chose for ME because my children were going to grow up someday and I’d be left with the man!

My children liked #5 so much that every time he came to our home they congregated in the living room, sat down, and visited with him. Especially my younger children, but even my teenagers. This is wonderful for getting to know one another, and it’s fabulous for the step-parent situation, it just makes very limited “alone time” even more limited! Yes, there is something to the magnetic force that draws the Merriman children to #5…and then they never leave!

Another engagement “highlight” is how we’ve had to handle it. Over time, all subtlety went out the window. It’s called “couch versus corner.” And now here comes the too-much-information part: we sit on the couch, hang out with the kids and then as #5′s departure nears I’m forced to announce, “You’re welcome to stay but we’re going to say goodbye now.”

You should see the room clear!

I never expected I’d EVER have to say or do something like that but as I’ve probably said before, “Life is, for most of us, a continuous process of getting used to things we hadn’t expected.”

Even, or especially, during a wedding engagement when there are eight children involved and the engagement lasts longer than you ever expected it would.

Glimpse…From The Couch

Date: November 3, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman
“Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren’t completely embarrassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow’s embarrassment?” (Tom Cruise) 

I remember Tom’s couch jumping and the criticism he endured because of it. I just never imagined I’d feel like he had to have felt at some point in my life–publicly humiliated. And then my unexpected life hit.

Not only was I shocked at what was revealed, not only was I scrambling to preserve what I could from the ashes of destruction and create some semblance of a life for me and my children to carry on with, but I was absolutely mortified. I was appalled at the dishonesty and CRIMES that had been perpetrated; I was embarrassed to not only know a criminal but to be married to him; and I was humiliated at having to endure everything so publicly, played out on a national stage.

It was a struggle to reconcile that all of those events were my life.

I couldn’t help but recall the little girl I once was–the little girl who who loved her dolls and looked forward to the day they would become “real” and I would experience motherhood; the little girl who immersed herself in fairy tales for hours on end and had such dreams of a real one in the future for her and everyone else.

I certainly never envisioned the story I got handed. It wasn’t my plan. My plan was for me, and everyone else, to grow up and live happily ever after.

The bottom line? I didn’t want the life that became mine unexpectedly.

And then I thought of my childhood friends: friends with addictions that destroyed their families and their lives; friends who watched their toddlers suffer and eventually die from physical impairments; friends whose parents committed suicide, died of cancer, or were killed in accidents; friends who divorced; friends who never married; friends who wanted children but couldn’t have them; friends betrayed by spouses; friends who died of cancer; friends diagnosed with M.S. and other diseases they live with and endure the effects of on a daily basis; friends who battle health issues and pain all day every day; friends who struggle with employment; friends who lost their homes; friends who suffered financial reverses; the list is endless.

The challenges varied, but almost every childhood friend I knew had been blessed with an unexpected life.

I couldn’t help but wonder what we would all have thought, as children, if we’d been given a glimpse of what was to come. Honestly? I wondered if I would have run at the thought of 2009. I guess it’s a blessing that certain things are unexpected. And that’s when I remembered, not for the first time, a key to living and enduring life and it’s challenges. You have to expect that unexpected things happen. In every life. To every one. So you have to carry on. Every day.

“Not a day passes over the earth, but men and women of no note do great deeds, speak great words and suffer noble sorrows.” (Charles Reade)

Shocking, devastating, heart breaking, hard, unexpected, even embarrassing things. Expected, exhilarating, happy, joyous and wonderful things. But always unexpected. Sometimes they lead to an uncontrollable desire to jump on a couch. Other times, it’s all you can do to get up off the couch and drag yourself forward to face the day.

But the important thing is that you live it and never lose your glimpse of the possibilities contained in tomorrow…if you can just make it through today.

A helpful tip to getting through the day? Don’t forget to utilize your couch if you need to. Regroup on the couch. Then get up off the couch, jump on your couch, sit close to someone you love on your couch (where is Agent M when you need him?), or rearrange your couch. Couches can be helpful in the unexpected life.

“I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said, “They’re behind the couch. And they were!” (Stephen Wright)