Living Happily Ever After
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Blog Articles

“Never” And “Always”

Date: November 28, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.” (Winston Churchill)

It’s a lifelong problem.

As a girl, I had the tendency to make sweeping generalizations and predictions for myself and then many times changed my mind for one reason or another. As the old saying goes, I’ve “eaten” plenty of words. In fact, like Winston Churchill, I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten enough words to comprise a well-balanced diet.

I grew up, was married for 20 years, got divorced, remarried and soon realized, thanks to my amazingly observant husband, that I still (and apparently, frequently) use expressions like “always” and “never.” I confess, I’d never noticed that. But when you speak in sweeping generalities like I’m told I ALWAYS do, you’d better prepare to eat more words!

I’ve had to do that in the 9 months I’ve been married at least a few times. One poignant example was the time I was asked to sing in church with my husband. I died. Because all I could think about was a Sunday night meeting I’d attended as a single woman where the featured presenters were a well-known composer/performer and his wife who shared their stories and together performed a lot of his (and her) music. Both were good singers. Both were talented. However, it was a little like watching Michelangelo and Picasso perform together. Picasso is amazing and talented, yet when side by side with Michelangelo, regardless of how inspiring Picasso may be, you’re in absolute awe of Michelangelo.

I was single at the time, never thought I’d ever remarry, I’ve never been a huge performer (in fact, haven’t sung solos since high school!), but for some reason I remember thinking, “Note to self: Remind me to NEVER sing in public with my husband if he’s a really good singer.” So the Sunday I walked to the front of the chapel to perform with my husband and another couple in our congregation, a very talented husband/wife, I ate those words too.

I thought, “I can’t believe I’m singing in public with great singers! It has been at least 25 years since I’ve done anything like this. Didn’t I even tell myself I’d never do this?” Another perk of the unexpected life. (Haha) But I got through it. I figured that was the end of that.

Wrong. I had no idea there were certain other experiences ahead of me. Yes! And they involve singing. But thankfully, at least (so far) they haven’t involved Donny Osmond.

“If you want me to sing this…song with the feeling and the meaning, you better see if you can locate that check.” (Mahalia Jackson)

And I even did it…for free.

The Ring

Date: September 20, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” (Albert Einstein)

Bachelor #5 persevered. He stuck with his problem (me–Lol) a little longer. He took me to more stores. I found bands that I sort of liked, but nothing that felt right. They were all just ok. I didn’t know what I was looking for or what I expected, and maybe I was being unreasonable about the whole thing, but felt that if I was going to get a ring, it needed to feel “right.” And was that even possible for me to feel, the second time around, at my age and after all I’d been through?

I only knew that the first time I’d married, the wedding dress had been the dilemma. Until that moment. The moment I stepped into a dress and my mom and I looked at each other, stunned, and said, at the same time, “THIS is the dress!” I looked completely transformed in it. I fell in love with it. And I guess I was expecting MY ring to hit me in the same way.

The saga of the quest for an engagement/wedding ring continued. The bright side was that at least we’d narrowed the search for a band that would serve as my engagement ring and wedding band. Now we just had to find it.

We went to several more stores and found nothing. And then one day we went to a little family-owned jewelry store to look at their selection. Nothing. And then the man said, “Wait. I think I might have the perfect ring for you. Of course, it would have to be made. But what do you think of this?”

He showed me a picture. It appeared to be everything I’d been looking for and had imagined for myself. But I was nervous about committing to it based on a picture. The man told me not to worry, ordered a sample and we returned to the store to look at it when it came in.

I put it on. In that instant I knew. It was the band for me. It was MY ring.

After all of my hesitation and unwillingness to choose a ring, even look at rings, much less wear a ring, I would have taken it and worn it then and there without worrying about how to pay for it (and without even being officially proposed to!) I loved it.

I left the store feeling a slight sense of loss that my ring had yet to be created. The wait was on.

But there’s always a lot of other stuff to keep you busy and occupied. Especially in the unexpected life.

In my case, Bachelor #5 had yet to propose; we had to blend two families. And trust me, none of that is as easy as it sounds.

“Frogs have it easy, they can eat what bugs them.”

The Secret To Staying Young

Date: September 7, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” (Lucille Ball)

Or if that fails, you can try this:

It was spring break. Bachelor #5 invited my little family to join his family and extended family for the break, but we already had plans so we went on our spring break and he went on his. He wanted me to meet his mom, brother and sister-in-law and extended family, so we made arrangements to meet the final night of break in St. George, Utah.

It led me to discover the secret to youth, no fountain involved, or at least the secret of feeling young. And no, it isn’t to date someone older than you. (That just makes them seem old! Lol.)

If you want to feel “young” again, get divorced in your 40s and then meet a new man’s family! The whole night, as I looked around the clan gathered, I kept thinking, “This is NOT me. I should not be here, I should not be having to do this like I’m in my 20s again!” But in reality, that was exactly the position I was in and exactly what I was doing.

At my age, and after 20 years of marriage, it had been decades since I’d been the “new” person getting to know an established family. It was a disconcerting position to be in and I felt every bit of my single status that night. The unexpected bonus was how “young” it made me feel! Lol.

So I met his mother. She was nice, made me feel welcome, complimented me on my children, invited us to visit her at her home, and she went out of her way to speak with each of my children; I liked her and felt very accepted by her and comfortable around her.

His family and relatives were polite and kind to me, but they seemed to keep their distance. (As did I, I admit. I had a hard time getting past the strange position I felt I was in that night.)

After meeting everyone, late that night when we were alone after not seeing each other for one week, he hugged me. It must have been SOME hug, because I felt like crying when he hugged me! I’d never had that happen. I didn’t know what to think of that–was I was a crazy, divorced woman? Or, maybe it was more like this: “Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.” (Jacques Prévert)

Ever had a hug like that? If so, you know what I’m talking about.

But the real shock was yet to come.

One of the first things out of Bachelor #5′s mouth after he hugged me was, “I know I said I would wait as long as you need me to, and I will, but I’m thinking September.”

WHAT?

I probably looked like a deer caught in headlights, but at least I didn’t throw up this time!

Progress.

“Make measurable progress in reasonable time.” (Jim Rohn)