Living Happily Ever After
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Written In Pencil

Date: March 23, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write ‘over’ on the bottom of the letter–like I’m that much of a moron; like I need that there. Because if it wasn’t there, I’d get to the bottom of the page: ‘And so Kathy and I went shopping and we–’ That’s the craziest thing! I don’t know why she would just end it that way.” (Ellen Degeneres)

I asked my former husband for THE letter.

He asked me why I wanted it. I told him the truth: I wanted the peace of mind it would give me. Since neither of us knew what the future held, or where he was going, I told him I didn’t want to someday need it and not be able to find him or reach him.

He said, “Tell me, would you use that letter today if you could?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Absolutely.”

In reality, though, I couldn’t. You can’t apply for a cancellation until you have the opportunity to marry someone else. But I needed him to know I felt there was no chance for reconciliation.

So he wrote one.

It was in pencil (prison inmates aren’t allowed to have pens). Written in October 2009. Mailed from a Colorado jail.

When it arrived, I opened it, read it and put it away never thinking I’d need it. It was a very nice letter, though, and I appreciated his willingness to write it. Later, he called me, collect, to discuss it.

I saw how hard it must have been for him to write that letter because he told me some untrue ramifications of me using that letter. I knew they were the last efforts of a sinking ship to attempt to rescue itself, I guess, but I had had it. I had been lied to for too long by the man, too many times; we were divorced; he wasn’t my husband; I didn’t feel an obligation to “obey” him any longer and I wasn’t going to stand for one single additional lie. So I called him on it:”That’s not true, ” I said. “That is a lie. You’ve lied to me for the LAST time!”

He said, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

And that was that.

I kept the letter in a drawer for the next 6 months. And then one day, unexpectedly, I needed it. I sat in my pastor’s office, handed the letter to him, and he told me he’d have to check to see if it could be used in conjunction with my application because it hadn’t been requested via certified mail, it had been sent directly to me and it had been written a few months earlier.

“I get mail; therefore I am.” (Scott Adams) 

 

Bachelor #12: Mr. Meditation

Date: July 5, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I’m looking out of my third eye and everything that I’m supposed to be doing. It’s amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. ‘Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama’s got the magic of Clorox 2.’” (Ellen DeGeneres)

Bachelor #12.

I think we all go through a stage, or have moments, of nerdiness as we grow up. And then there are some that never quite outgrow it. THAT was Bachelor #12; nice, but totally nerdy, although from a very prominent political family–U.S. Senators and state representatives are his family members! When he asked me out I said yes, partly because he was a nice man, partly because I admired his courage…or maybe it was the revelation of his third eye that I found so irresistible?

Right away, he asked me my “story” (how long had I been divorced, why did I divorce, where is my former spouse, all of the usual questions) as we drove to a restaurant for dinner. I was upfront about it all and poor Bachelor #12 was completely blown away by every aspect of my divorce and life! My story was too much for him. I could tell it was completely unexpected in his realm of existence, just as it had been in mine–until it happened to me.

Frankly, I was surprised he didn’t turn the car right around and take me home BEFORE dinner. But like I said, he was a very nice man. He bravely soldiered on through sharing a meal with me. In fact, we ate dinner, talked until the restaurant closed and the staff finally kicked us out. He did most of the talking.

He told me about challenges he faces every day dealing with..mental illness. That his father suffered from mental illness his entire life until he committed suicide while Bachelor #12 was a teenager. About a sibling with schizophrenia so severe the sibling has spent most of his life in an institution. That another sibling committed suicide as a teenager as well.

I sat there, listening to Bachelor #12′s family history all through dinner, and had three thoughts. First, “That poor family!” Second, “This man is from a very genetically challenged family! I don’t think I want to align myself with that.” And third, “I think these things can be genetic, I wonder if Bachelor #12 suffers from similar challenges?”

My last question was answered almost as soon as I thought it as Bachelor #12 detailed all of the negative mental energy he battles on a daily basis and how he handles it–with serious meditation, keeping in touch with his chakras, chanting, and using the little “instruments” and “spinners” that make noises (I can’t remember what he said they are called.)

As he took me home at the end of the night, I was already planning and worrying about how I could kindly decline any future invitations. I had enough challenges in my own life without adding someone’s negative mental energy to the mix.

But guess what? Bachelor #12 never called ME again! I didn’t expect that. Dumped, by the mentally ill. I never expected that either!

I had to shake my head and laugh at that one.

I have run into Bachelor #12 at singles events several times since that fateful first, and last, “courtesy” date I embarked on. But each time I’ve seen him, HE pretends not to know ME! I NEVER expected THAT! I have to shake my head and laugh at that too. Apparently I’m so uninteresting that I don’t rate even the offer of a second date by a mentally-challenged man!

Either that, or my former life got in the way again. It happens occasionally. Proving, perhaps, that the secret of dating, or, “The secret of having a personal life is not answering too many questions about it.” (Joan Collins)

So long, Bachelor #12.

As for me, I’ll cling to the hope that someone someday realizes, “Mama’s got the magic”! And if I’m lucky, maybe he’ll be oozing positive mental energy to boot.