Living Happily Ever After
test123

Blog Articles

While Mother’s Away…

Date: February 5, 2012  Author: Andrea Merriman

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school. She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast. ”No,” the son replies. “I don’t wanna go to school!” ”You HAVE to go to school,” the mother scolds.

“No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don’t like me, and the lunches are icky.” ”You WILL go to school, young man,” the mother warns. ”Why? Why do I have to go to school today?” the son asks. The mother is about to lose her patience: “Because you’re the principal, now get out of bed!”

Yes, that’s sort of what happened during my cruise. Only I wasn’t home with my son—and it was my kindergarten-age son that ditched school! I NEVER expected that one! Yes, while I was on my husband’s birthday cruise experiencing karaoke and all kinds of adventures, my children were at home in Utah, one having adventures of his own!

My high school-age daughter is sharp, efficient, independent and always has been. (She could run our home and family smoothly by the time she was in 5th grade without my help, but I’m thankful she lets me hang around to attempt to do my part!)  While we were gone, she had everything under control—drove her siblings to daycare and school, went to school herself, picked up her siblings after school, supervised them, fed them, helped with homework, cleaned the house, did the laundry, and took care of everything related to the running of the family in my absence. My children were in good hands. And then I got an unexpected email. (We couldn’t get phone service on our cruise.) The email reported certain delinquent behavior…of my kindergartener!

Apparently, he’d been dropped off at school by his daycare (like he is every day) and headed through the doors of the school. Before my son went into his classroom, however, he decided he didn’t “feel” like going to school that day so he and a friend who also didn’t feel like going to school that day, headed off on an adventure. While I’ve never had a child do something like that and never expected to have one do something like that, thank goodness I live in Utah and thank goodness I have good neighbors! Mid-afternoon my neighbor was driving in the town next to ours…and saw my son walking on the side of the road! She picked him up, took him home and kept him until my daughter got home from school.

By the time I was able to reach my children by phone, my daughter had handled it: she had marched her brother to the school office to tell the principal what he had done and apologize for his poor choice; she had taken him home, grounded him from playing with friends and had taken away some other privileges as a consequence of his wrong decision; she had talked to him about his behavior AND called her older college-age brother to come home for a visit that evening to talk to the offender, again, about family expectations regarding school attendance. By the time I finally got to speak with my youngest son, he was very penitent; but I reiterated my impression of his incorrect choice and behavior again anyway, just to make sure there would NEVER be a repeat occurrence!

Kindergarten delinquent. (For a day.) WHO raises a child like that? Apparently, me. And given what we’ve lived through, holding myself back from over-reacting is a struggle. It’s a challenge for me, sometimes, to remain calm about it all. I have to make the effort to refrain from panicking. Sometimes I have to mentally calm myself down before reacting to what I once deemed “typical” childhood learning experiences (telling a lie, stealing a coin or a piece of candy or other similar behaviors.) I’m desperate for my children to avoid the mistakes made by their other parent. I’ll never give up my quest to teach my children to make correct choices, to be obedient, to follow the rules and to grow up to be honest, good, law abiding citizens that are a force for good in the world—especially given the example set by someone else once close to them.

“Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we’d be in gym?” (Ferris Bueller, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)

I’m a huge fan of playing by the rules and obeying the law.
Despite, or because of, the unexpected life.

Memory Lapse

Date: August 3, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“It’s weird being here. It feels like I’m standing next to my real life.” (Henry Rollins)

Occasionally, living the unexpected life that I do, I have that sense.

Despite the fact I’m living a completely new and different  life, and I am very happy in it, every once in awhile I experience a “moment” like that. I’m just living my life, doing my thing, feeling normal and everything else that goes with choosing to embrace and live a new existence with which I’ve been blessed, and then…I have the sensation that it isn’t real, and for an instant, prepare myself to return “home” to Colorado and envision myself driving down my driveway and walking in the door only to realize, “Oh, wait. That isn’t my life anymore. I’m not visiting Utah, I work here, I live here now.” How can I have even one moment where I forget that? But every once in awhile, for just an instant, my subconscious apparently does.

Have you ever had one of those moments? When you look at your life, and it is SO DIFFERENT from the life you expected to live, that it’s sort of…weird? You almost wonder if it’s really yours,  yet it is, and aspects of it feel more real than maybe anything you have ever previously lived. (Anyone? Anyone? Or is it just me? Or is it post traumatic something-or-other reserved for innocent people whose former spouses committed crimes and perpetuated fraud behind their backs, who go through a lot of life changes in a brief period of time and come out the other side of it with a terrific, but very different, existence?)

The good news is that instead of being filled with relief at being able to “wake up” (like you do in dreams, especially bad ones) and go back to the old life and its plans and hopes and dreams, I find that I’m actually relieved to be living this one, despite its challenges.

So while I don’t know what psychologists or therapists would say about this, I’ve decided not to sweat it. I consider it part of the fallout of unexpectedly losing one life and inheriting another, and choose, instead, to count my blessings; the blessings of my real life. I believe every single life is FILLED with good things (some lives just require a harder look to see the good sometimes, depending on what phase of the unexpected life you’re living.)

And if you’re having a hard time recognizing all of the good in your life today, in my opinion, that’s ok. I think I remember living a day or two, or several, where the only good thing I saw as I tried to count my blessings was that I was still breathing!

Yet here I am, just two years later, finding so much to cherish and be grateful for. Life happens like that, if you just hang on long enough.

After all, “If you woke up breathing, congratulations!  You have another chance.” (Andrea Boydston)

What are YOU grateful for today?

Of Life, Cereal And…Purple Milk

Date: August 2, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“The team has come along slow but fast.” (Casey Stengel)

In 2009, circumstances dictated I form a new team: me and my four children, a new family unit headed by a single mother. We  nicknamed ourselves “The Five Musketeers.” Between us, we had enough for a basketball team–no substitutes.

Two years later, a lot has happened on and off the court of our unexpected life. We have new teammates, as well as many other unexpected blessings and adventures.

The other morning, my middle son was pouring himself some “Life” breakfast cereal. (Right now, it’s one of our favorites. We go through boxes of the stuff. As chief grocery shopper for our household, I find my mission impossible, too often, is trying to find cereal the kids love and want to eat at a price I can afford!) As my son poured the last of the box into his bowl he commented, “Life sure goes fast!”

My husband and I looked at each other and laughed. At the wisdom of eleven-year-olds. Although I’m pretty sure my son wasn’t trying to wax philosophical, he ended up doing it anyway. Because as my oldest prepares to “move out” and into his college dorm, at the same time, my youngest is entering kindergarten; both momentous occasions taking place in just three weeks. But I’m not laughing so hard anymore. Because I’m thinking breakfast cereal isn’t the only thing that doesn’t last.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look round once in a while, you could miss it.” (“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)

Yes, LIFE sure goes fast! Which makes me even more grateful for some wonderful advice my Nana gave me when she was in her 90s and I was a busy mother of a toddler and a baby. We were visiting in her home, she watched me jump up and down to help my children with various things as we chatted, and she sighed and said, “Treasure these moments. Treasure this time with your children. Of all the days you’ll live, these are your best days–the days you’re surrounded by those you love, the days you get to live with your children in your home. Out of all that I’ve lived and experienced, it’s those days that I treasure the most.”

My Nana grew up lighting candles to see, carrying hot bricks to place at the foot of her bed to keep her feet warm in the winter. As a girl, she traveled by horse and buggy, and later worked as a telephone operator (the kind you talked to to request a connection to a certain person), and saw the advent of automobiles, airplanes, dishwashers, washing machines, microwaves, television, computers and a man on the moon. She experienced some amazing things over the course of her life, yet out of all of it, she most treasured her time with her children when they were young.

How grateful I am that my Nana shared that counsel with me and that I chose to listen to it. Because life sure goes fast, cereal or otherwise!

“I won’t eat any cereal that doesn’t turn the milk purple.” (Bill Watterson) Not such a bad idea!