Living Happily Ever After
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Multiples “Personalities,” One Man

Date: April 4, 2012  Author: Andrea Merriman

“I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.” (Tori Amos)

My marriage has an interesting aspect to it. Different from anything I never expected. Brought to me courtesy of my husband, of course.

My husband is a full-time businessman and a part-time actor. (Need I say more?) To a small degree, it’s like living with several different people, or at the very least, someone with more than one personality—although in my husband’s case, thank goodness, it’s always the same kind, patient, loving, fun man and great father underneath whatever the outside happens to look like on any given day!

The other day he left for work an “ordinary” businessman (but with a strong resemblance to Mitt Romney, if comments from family, friends, strangers and Facebook are to be believed!) and before he returned home, again an ordinary businessman, he’d been an airplane pilot for a few hours for a video shoot and a rancher for a commercial audition.

Lederhosen aside, it makes for some exciting experiences, unique adventures and memorable days…as well as for some unforgettable memories. Like the night we stood together, at our bathroom sink, both of us removing our make-up! Or the night I was struck by how great his tan legs legs looked, assumed he’d hit the tanning bed he occasionally visits, only to discover no, it was leg makeup from a Youtube video he’d appeared in wearing a tunic earlier that day (don’t ask! haha.) Although it does take a certain degree of confidence, as a woman, to be married to a man who seems to know more about and to be better at applying the fine art of…makeup!

It certainly keeps life interesting. My thanks to Mr. Ramsey for the many entertaining moments that are now mine.

“Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.” (Unknown)

Ready, Set…Go?

Date: June 2, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

I thought I was ready to date again. Actually, that might be a bit of a stretch. I had been married and out of that type of social situation for the previous two decades. I didn’t have a clue what dating was like in 2009. I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t know how to meet anyone and I didn’t know how to go about being “single.” What I WAS ready for, however, was to not feel so lonely!

So, I thought I was ready to move forward with my life. But what did my children think about that? I get asked that question a lot. Here’s the answer:

Before I was even divorced, when my children and I were still living in our home in Colorado with their dad prior to our move to Utah, one day I was standing in the kitchen and my two oldest children walked in. Out of the blue they said, “Mom, you have GOT to date, find a nice man and get married again!”

In shock, I looked at them and put a finger to my lips to hush them. Their dad was in the house, watching t.v. in the next room! I said, “Thank you for that, but I’m still legally married. I can’t date!” And then I laughed–knowing no one would want a financially-devasted, forty-something woman; the sole support of four children. (There’s nothing like a couple decades of lies and betrayal by a spouse to make you feel old, wrinkled and, like I’ve said before, an “old bag!”)

It was all so new, I think I was still in shock, and I had way too much on my plate in terms of moving, working and being a mother to think I’d ever have time to date anyway. I couldn’t comprehend anything like that (at that time) in my life. Little did I know the crushing weight of loneliness a single mother feels.

So, before I was even divorced, my children had given me permission to date.

And eventually, thanks to the terrible loneliness, I joined them in their readiness for their mother to date.

I tried to be a bit circumspect in my approach. I didn’t know anyone, and didn’t know how to meet anyone, so I decided to start with the singles program of my church. I got online and checked out the local site. It listed a lot of activities and things I didn’t understand. It also listed dances (every Friday night in Utah county) and Sunday night meetings called “firesides” where guest speakers present spiritual messages to the group.

My problem? I didn’t feel ready to walk in alone.

So I thought about it for awhile.

And then late one Friday night, on a total impulse, I did something else before I even dared go to a dance or a fireside and walk in alone.

I probably should have listened to Henry Ford: “Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success.”

Instead, I acted impulsively.

If you keep reading, you’ll see that I’ve done that a few times. (You’ll have to decide for yourself how you think it turned out for me.)

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Autumn

Date: June 1, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long.” (E. E. Cummins)

By the end of September 2009, we were getting into the routine of our new life. My youngest spent the day being tended by someone other than me and was enjoying preschool three afternoons each week; my middle son was adjusting to his new school, piano lessons, and having his mom work full-time; my daughter was adjusting to her new school and new life and preparing dinner every night for the family; and my oldest was slowly adjusting to his new school, new life, and the role of oldest brother/not quite the father but was expected to do some of that type of thing for his siblings too.

Autumn came to Utah and with the seasonal changes came a huge one, for me personally, as well.

I had known “autumn” too long in my life. My divorce had been final for “only” 2 months, yet I had felt absolutely alone and lonely since March 18. (I couldn’t believe how alone I felt while still legally married and living in Colorado with my spouse in our home. The truth He had revealed had instantly changed not just our lives and our family, but our relationship as well. We were living in the same house, for the sake of our children, but we were not emotionally connected anymore. And after 20 years of companionship and what I thought had been a good relationship and a solid marriage, I was stunned at how different I felt. Instantly alone. Completely alone. Alone in the world. ALONE.)

I had moved away from my life, my friends, my support, and my social networks. And whether it was loneliness from moving, or loneliness from being single, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t stand the loneliness anymore.

I decided I was ready to be more social.

I decided I was ready to meet people.

I decided I was ready to date. (Did I just say that?)

And while we’re on the subject, here’s a question: Who can be betrayed so completely and so thoroughly in every way for nearly 20 years of marriage and not only be willing to subject themselves to the possibility of that again, but be willing to trust others, even men, again? And so “soon?”

Me.

Call me crazy, call me whatever you want, but for some reason, I was. I had been lied to, deceived, betrayed, and everything else attendant with being the former spouse of a man running a Ponzi scheme for 15 years, yet I still was willing to trust. I’m guessing it was that optimistic, fairy tale-loving and believing part of me, manifesting itself again. (Or maybe it’s just the way I was raised? lol.)

Whatever it was, all I can say is that dating in the 21st century turned out to be a LOT different than the last time I had dated…the 1980s.

WHAT an UNEXPECTED LIFE.

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