Living Happily Ever After
test123

Blog Articles

Did I Say Strange?

Date: December 13, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Let your mind start a journey through a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be…Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.” (Eric Fromme)

Before I go any further I have to reiterate, again, that remarriage is a journey through a strange new world.

It’s unsettling, after living four or more decades of your life and doing things a certain way for specific reasons…to change it all up and do everything differently. But it’s also exciting, not to mention occasionally entertaining. You certainly have new experiences you never expected to have; you learn new things; and I like to think (or hope) that all of it will help keep me young!

Now back to the birthday cruise for my husband.

We both had prior cruising experience prior to our first one together. My husband had been on several cruises and I’d been on 10 myself (I had been married for 20 years to a man who did everything to excess; now that I know what was REALLY going on all those years, I see that he certainly lived up to Ponzi scheme criminal stereotype/reputation for “living the high life.” Bummer that I, like everyone else, simply thought he was just very successful and good at his job!)

We brought to our 2011 marriage our own (different) travel habits and expectations. But since this cruise was with in celebration of my husband’s 50th birthday and we were  traveling with his family and friends,  I told him not to worry about me; we were doing it his way—and while I don’t think we did the whole trip “his way,” (my husband is too considerate for that) I pretty much went along with everything my husband suggested (like karaoke) and had a lot of new adventures (like karaoke) that were part of his previous experience but had never been a part of mine.

It was a very different cruise than any I’d ever been on before, but it was also a LOT of fun!

“Old and young, we are all on our last cruise.” (Robert Louis Stevenson)

Make the most of it.

P.P.S. To The News

Date: June 17, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“You know, I have guys that are almost stalkers… it is very strange. I had this one guy that e-mailed me off my site, and thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He then came to my house in London, I do not know how he found it.” (Caprice Bourret)

After the KSL news story last week, I also heard from a man I’d only danced with at a singles dance one night–never dated. He contacted me to tell me he saw my story on t.v., reminded me we’d danced at a singles dance and detailed our conversation.

Before I could respond, he contacted me again, told me he saw my story on t.v., reminded me we’d danced at a singles dance, detailed our conversation and said he never shared personal information like I had…until he’d gotten older.

Hmmm. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Was he telling me I am old? (I guess I can’t argue with that. After all, my middle son already informed me last year that I “shattered his childhood illusion of having a young mother” when he found out I’m not in my thirties–I’m turning 44 this summer.)

But before I could respond, he contacted me again, told me he saw my story on t.v., said he never shared personal information until he’d gotten older, reminded me we’d danced at a singles dance, detailed our conversation and said the next time he saw me I was with a man and walked by without saying anything. If I remember right, he also contacted me one more time to say he “guessed” I was married now.

Every message had been sent so rapidly (like every half hour), I hadn’t had time to respond to them. However, I knew what to say to that last comment: Yes, I am remarried, SO happy and consider myself so blessed to have found #5!

But what I didn’t reveal is that there is a high probability the man-who-for-a-minute-there-almost-gave-the-appearance-of-a-sort-of-stalker might see me at a single’s dance again–if he’s looking. You see, since our marriage, #5 and I actually have been to one, one night when we were in the mood to dance but didn’t want to go to a rowdy club…and we’ll probably do so again sometime!

I mean, “We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” (Japanese proverb) 

Right?


The Going Rate

Date: January 7, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“When one of Lisa’s baby teeth fell out here, the tooth fairy left her 50 cents.  Another tooth fell out when she was with her father in Las Vegas, and that tooth fairy left her $5.  When I told Elvis that 50 cents would be more in line, he laughed.  He knew I was not criticizing him; how would Elvis Presley know the going rate for a tooth?” (Priscilla Presley)

I’m not sure about the going rate for a tooth these days either. Although I’ve got to figure it out because my middle son–the one with a toothache, who ended up getting his tooth pulled at the dentist today–asked me upon our return home from the procedure if The Tooth Fairy, like Santa Claus, gives more to rich kids than poor kids.

I guess he has noticed some contrasts between his old life and our new, unexpected one. Thankfully, his older brother distracted him with talk of other things and I didn’t have to think of a brilliant answer on the spot.

“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” (W.C. Fields)

Just kidding.

But I’ve got to think of something wise, yet truthful…FAST.

Yahtzee

Date: November 12, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” (Albert Einstein)

The other night Bachelor #5 came over with the game, “Yahtzee.” He sat down, set it up to play, and when I asked, “Ok, now what do we do?”…you should have SEEN the look he gave me! It was almost a rolling of the eyes.

“What?” I asked.

He replied, “How do you get to be THIS old…and have never played Yahtzee?” (Do you think he’s getting me back for the age issues I had to overcome? Or the old age comments that occasionally slip out? )

So he taught me (and my two youngest) how to play. I couldn’t help but notice what a great approach to life the game of Yahtzee is.

You roll five dice each turn. And no matter what you roll, you can make it count for something you need. You get three rolls and opportunities to do that each turn, and then it’s on to the next player. The game continues as you work your way down a list of things you need to make happen–1s, 2s, 3s, three of a kind, four of a kind, chance, Yahtzee, etc…And in the end, the person with the highest score “wins.”

Yes, life is a game of Yahtzee. Sometimes a really unfair one, when the little blue cup seems filled with dice that are stacked against you. But that’s not the point. The point is what you do each time you roll with what you roll. No matter what comes up, you have the opportunity to look at what you’ve rolled, consider your prospects, look for what’s good, figure out how to make it work, and hopefully tally it all up for a win in the end.

I have been given some difficult scenarios in my life; I’ve rolled some bummer combinations. (Some were so daunting I’d have gladly traded places with just about anyone!) Each time, I had to look at what I was facing, look at what I could do with it, and work as hard as I could to make it happen–while counting on a miracle. And I have to say, life has worked out every time although not necessarily the way I planned it or thought it would. The “rolls,” many times, have turned out to be blessings.

So whether or not you’re looking at snake eyes or doubles, your score will be just what it needs to be in the end. I bet you’ll even be happy with it, as long as you keep rolling the dice you’re dealt and making the best you can out of your roll.

Keep rollin’.

“Give me today, for once, the worst throw of your dice, destiny. Today I transmute everything into gold.” (Frederick Nietzsche)

 

Life is SOME Book

Date: October 30, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.” (Mark Twain)

I began college as an English major. Somewhere along the way, I realized I just wasn’t deep enough (make that insightful enough) to compete with my peers; and at the same time, I realized they were ruining literature for me.

Here are just a few examples.

One class required we recite a poem. I opened a book, picked one that began “Tiger, tiger, burning bright, in the forest of the night…” (You’ve probably heard of it, it’s a pretty famous one.) I was prepared to recite it, but I confess it sounded comparable to how an elementary school student might have done it.

I knew I was in trouble when a young woman in my class stood to recite her poem, and began, “I’ll be doing such-and-such poem in a Meryl Streep, ‘Out of Africa’ accent because…” She went on to explain her deep rationale, but I completely missed her poem because I was so blown away by the fact she had even THOUGHT to do an accent! And that she COULD do an accent! And that she was up there DOING an accent, and didn’t appear to be mortified at all!

Other times we read poems and other literature as a class and discussed them. The things my peers inferred from what appeared to me to be an ordinary story about an ordinary event made me realize English wasn’t for me. Where were they getting their deep thoughts and all of that meaning? I had spent my life getting lost in stories, and simply enjoying the escape into whatever book’s reality I was reading at the time, NOT looking beyond what was right in front of my face for…meaning. Their “meaning” began to ruin it for me.

I found myself beginning to dislike the classics because of the analyses that took place in my college English courses. I started to dread reading (something I’ve always loved to do–I never dreaded reading, reading assignments or writing research papers. I had always enjoyed everything associated with reading and writing.) So I knew it was time to make a change.

I got out. I changed majors.

I tried interior design for a semester because I liked decorating things. Little did I know how much artistic talent was required for a career in that, and unfortunately, I had zero practical art background and no  skill. (I drew like a preschooler, and still do.) THAT was a tough semester, with a very benevolent end, when my professors basically gifted me with “C”s–as long as I promised to change majors!

About the only thing I did somewhat decently as an English major was write. As often as not, my papers would be returned to me with lots of red markings and notes by my professors encouraging me to submit the piece to a magazine or newspaper for publication. I finally took an aptitude test. It recommended public relations. I’d never heard of such a thing, but I was told strong writing was necessary for that career, so I signed on. And I never looked back. I had found my thing.

It was very unexpected.

One of the most valuable things I gleaned from my PR education was the counsel, “Don’t be afraid of getting fired.” Fired? I’d never been fired, but I knew enough to dread it and consider it a failure. Instead, my professor taught us getting fired can be the best thing that ever happens to you. In fact, he encouraged us at some point to “fire ourselves” if no one else ever did. He said it was good for every career, and every person, to make a big change at least once in their life. He said oftentimes, the situation you end up with after being fired (voluntarily or involuntarily) is often better than your previous one.

I never forgot that. And I’ve been amazed how well it correlates to the unexpected life. Especially mine.

I was living life, loving being a wife and mother, serving others in my own small ways and trying to contribute to the world…and then one day the bottom fell out of my world. Shawn Merriman revealed the lies and crimes he had been perpetuating for 15 years, he went to prison, and I was left alone to provide for and raise our children; forced to re-enter the workforce. I got fired from my life. And had to find, or create, a new one.

Like networking in the business world that leads to job placement, I didn’t find my new life on my own. I was blessed with tender mercies, miracles and a friends (old and new) who stood by me, encouraged me and helped me begin again.

And now, on this side of it, just 18 months later, I wonder if my unexpected life isn’t one of the best things to ever happen to me? Not because it’s easy, it’s not. Not because it has been fun, it hasn’t always been–especially in the beginning. But because of all that I have learned, the many ways I have grown and the good things that have come to me and my children because of it.

An unexpected life is an abrupt plot twist filled with antagonists that threaten to overwhelm. Sometimes it seems its chapters goes on far too long. Yet if you keep pressing forward through the drama, you’ll make it through some difficult chapters, and the NEW story directions that come unexpectedly into your life can amaze and overwhelm you, this time, in a good way. I believe you can actually end up with a story (and a life) better than it would have otherwise been.

Life is SOME book.

You just can’t put it down.

And like the few special books that have touched me deeply, enough to make tears roll down my cheeks as I read them, I think I’ll cry when it’s over.

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, ‘A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!’” (Robert Browning)

The Unexpected Life.

No Ring But Plenty of Secrets

Date: September 28, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

There wasn’t a ring. There wasn’t an engagement. But my children were catching on. Something was up.

One day Bachelor #5 picked me up for a date. We were both dressed up, and my four year old asked, “Where are you guys going? Are you going to get married?”

Another time, Bachelor #5 reported that my middle son caught him alone and asked, “When are you going to propose to my mom?” To which he had jokingly replied, “I asked, but she said I was too old!”

Who needs Cupid when you’ve got your little boys covering your back, huh?

Bachelor #5 took my oldest children to lunch. Afterward, he told me I had great kids. When I asked him why he thought that and what they’d talked about at lunch, he replied, “We decided that we wouldn’t tell you what happened at lunch and keep you in the dark.”

No problem, Bachelor #5, I thought. I’ll just ask my children. Except that actually was a problem, because my children refused to divulge anything related to lunch with Bachelor #5!

“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” (Benjamin Franklin)

Actually, that’s not true. Obviously Benjamin never met Bachelor #5…or my two oldest children. Not one of them ever said a word.

Completely Unexpected

Date: September 1, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

That next weekend we went out and I can’t tell you what we did. I don’t remember much about that night. I only remember this: Before he took me home, Bachelor #5 asked, “Do I even have a chance with you?”

That sounded a little heavy to me. And because I wasn’t about to be serious, I had to lighten things up. I joked, “Sure! I try to keep an open mind. Everyone has a chance with me!”

But that didn’t deter him. He then said, “I would marry you tomorrow if you were willing.”

“I would marry you tomorrow if you were willing?” THAT was COMPLETELY unexpected!

I didn’t know what to say. All I could think in that moment was, “He doesn’t realize what he is saying or how that sounds when it’s verbalized. He can’t know what he just said.” So I didn’t respond much.

Instead, waves of memories washed over me. I thought back exactly eight months to the day, to July 13, 2009, the day my divorce became final.

The day I left my life in Colorado and headed into the unknown, so broken and devastated I couldn’t even look back at what I was leaving as I drove away or think about anything that had happened to my children and I or I wasn’t sure I’d have the courage and strength to go.

The day I was sure my life, hope, and any dreams for a bright future had ended.

The day I was positive no one would ever want an “old bag” like me again.

Back to the days when I had to try so hard every minute of every day not to cry, because I was afraid if I started I might not be able to stop. (Trust me, I failed a lot more than I succeeded in that attempt!)

In the pause as I thought all of the above, Bachelor #5 added, “But no pressure. I can wait as long as it takes you to decide what you want.”

Isn’t life like that?

COMPLETELY unexpected!

“A Scout is never taken by surprise; he knows exactly what to do when anything unexpected happens.” (Robert Baden-Powell)

Too bad I’d never been a Scout. (Or even a Brownie!) Because far too often in my unexpected life I don’t know exactly what to do, or what to say.

Dinner With Santa

Date: August 24, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“He’d grown a beard since I last saw him. I asked, ‘what’s with that?’ He said it was the caveman look.” (Jane Marshall)

My only advance request for our date was that he not act like he was meeting me for the first time. (I didn’t want to look like a loser single woman so desperate for a date that she had to meet men she didn’t know at restaurants!)

He did a pretty good job honoring that request, but he was so polite he probably did say, a little too loudly, how nice it was to meet me. But thank goodness he recognized me when I walked through the door because his gray beard made him look completely different than his online profile picture! I don’t know if I’d have known it was him (except for the warning about the gray beard.)

He was tan, taller than me, had hair (dark but graying at the sides), was nice looking with white teeth, a nice smile, and very warm brown eyes. Not a bad start to a date with Santa! However, unlike that jolly old elf, Bachelor #5 did not have a big belly. He was fit and trim.

We talked all through dinner and when he asked my divorce story, I told him everything. The whole thing. (Remember, this was before I changed that approach.) He was very kind about it and seemed to take it all in stride. He was a VERY nice man, just totally out of my league age-wise. Translation: too old!

After we finished dinner, he was friendly and talkative as he walked me to my car. I made a mental note that I’d just completed my first date with a grandpa AND a man sporting a gray beard, and that although he was too old for me, he was nice.

I had no idea if I’d ever hear from him again, I had no idea what his thoughts were or what his plan was; life is unexpected that way. After all, as the great philosopher Mike Tyson once said, “Everyone has a plan ’til they get kicked in the mouth.” Divorced people have been through their fair share of kicks, regardless of their story, I’ve learned.

Another unexpected lesson of the unexpected life that has become mine.