Living Happily Ever After
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Blog Articles

“Because I’m Worth It” (Loreal, 1967)

Date: July 26, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Whenever I don’t have to wear makeup, it’s a good day.” (Cameron Diaz)

The other night I was in the bathroom, removing my makeup, getting ready for bed. About the time I entered the raccoon stage—big black circles of eye makeup and mascara mixed with Vaseline (I’m an 80s girl, what can I say? And it’s less expensive than professional makeup remover from Mac, Clinique or any other department store makeup counter), my husband walked in.

He asked, “Do you have any of those makeup remover ‘sheets’?”

I assumed he saw the archaic yet inexpensive makeup removal system I was using and was suggesting I splurge on something better. I clarified, “You mean the little towelettes that come pre-moistened? I’ve used them before, but they’re expensive; not a part of the budget in my new life.”

“Yes,” he replied. “I know they’re more expensive but…”

I assumed he was telling me he thinks I’m worth the extra few dollars said product would cost. But instantly, in that moment, just as I began to get swept away by the romance of my new husband’s caring and concern for even my makeup removal, and before I could respond, he lifted his hair back, showed me his forehead and said, ” I mean, look at this! I tried to take it off, but it doesn’t come off easily. Those towelettes work really well.”

Stage makeup.

For the theater production he’s in this summer at Sundance  resort in Utah.

“The Sound of Music.”

It opens this Friday, July 29.

I gave him some of what I was using, and we both stood at the counter, together, and removed our makeup as we talked about the day.

Second marriage moment #20. Standing in front of the mirror, removing my makeup, while my husband did the same!

I never EVER expected that one.

“I mean, look, I wear makeup in films. I don’t wear makeup in real life. It’s just part of the gig, that’s all.” (Bruce Willis)

Really. At least I’m pretty sure that’s the message my husband would want me to share with the world should I reveal (as I have) that he sometimes wears makeup because, “not everyone is as liberal-minded as you are,” he says.

Speaking of liberals and conservatives, and politics in general, here’s a good one: “The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.” (Maureen Murphy)

Bachelor #12: Mr. Meditation

Date: July 5, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I’m looking out of my third eye and everything that I’m supposed to be doing. It’s amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. ‘Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama’s got the magic of Clorox 2.’” (Ellen DeGeneres)

Bachelor #12.

I think we all go through a stage, or have moments, of nerdiness as we grow up. And then there are some that never quite outgrow it. THAT was Bachelor #12; nice, but totally nerdy, although from a very prominent political family–U.S. Senators and state representatives are his family members! When he asked me out I said yes, partly because he was a nice man, partly because I admired his courage…or maybe it was the revelation of his third eye that I found so irresistible?

Right away, he asked me my “story” (how long had I been divorced, why did I divorce, where is my former spouse, all of the usual questions) as we drove to a restaurant for dinner. I was upfront about it all and poor Bachelor #12 was completely blown away by every aspect of my divorce and life! My story was too much for him. I could tell it was completely unexpected in his realm of existence, just as it had been in mine–until it happened to me.

Frankly, I was surprised he didn’t turn the car right around and take me home BEFORE dinner. But like I said, he was a very nice man. He bravely soldiered on through sharing a meal with me. In fact, we ate dinner, talked until the restaurant closed and the staff finally kicked us out. He did most of the talking.

He told me about challenges he faces every day dealing with..mental illness. That his father suffered from mental illness his entire life until he committed suicide while Bachelor #12 was a teenager. About a sibling with schizophrenia so severe the sibling has spent most of his life in an institution. That another sibling committed suicide as a teenager as well.

I sat there, listening to Bachelor #12′s family history all through dinner, and had three thoughts. First, “That poor family!” Second, “This man is from a very genetically challenged family! I don’t think I want to align myself with that.” And third, “I think these things can be genetic, I wonder if Bachelor #12 suffers from similar challenges?”

My last question was answered almost as soon as I thought it as Bachelor #12 detailed all of the negative mental energy he battles on a daily basis and how he handles it–with serious meditation, keeping in touch with his chakras, chanting, and using the little “instruments” and “spinners” that make noises (I can’t remember what he said they are called.)

As he took me home at the end of the night, I was already planning and worrying about how I could kindly decline any future invitations. I had enough challenges in my own life without adding someone’s negative mental energy to the mix.

But guess what? Bachelor #12 never called ME again! I didn’t expect that. Dumped, by the mentally ill. I never expected that either!

I had to shake my head and laugh at that one.

I have run into Bachelor #12 at singles events several times since that fateful first, and last, “courtesy” date I embarked on. But each time I’ve seen him, HE pretends not to know ME! I NEVER expected THAT! I have to shake my head and laugh at that too. Apparently I’m so uninteresting that I don’t rate even the offer of a second date by a mentally-challenged man!

Either that, or my former life got in the way again. It happens occasionally. Proving, perhaps, that the secret of dating, or, “The secret of having a personal life is not answering too many questions about it.” (Joan Collins)

So long, Bachelor #12.

As for me, I’ll cling to the hope that someone someday realizes, “Mama’s got the magic”! And if I’m lucky, maybe he’ll be oozing positive mental energy to boot.