Living Happily Ever After
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Blog Articles

A Study In Triumph

Date: October 23, 2012  Author: Andrea Merriman

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” (David Brinkley)

The study of those who face adversity and triumph over it has been a hobby of mine for many years.

As far as hobbies go, I believe mine has served me well: I’ve been inspired by countless great “ordinary people” who did their best in the lives and with the challenges they were handed…and triumphed. Their good examples have always helped me “dig a little deeper” and to endure when the occasions of my own life require it.

I want to be like them.

And although I may never have an opportunity to do great things, or to inspire the world in a grand way, I do believe that by small and simple things great things are brought to pass—and hope that some day all of the little things I do will, in the end, add up to something great; that I can make a difference in the world (even just my small corner of it) for the better and in the lives of my children.

I admire people with determination and grit. Who do the hard things, the right thing, in the face of great adversity. That has always been my goal. So I’ve decided to share some of the people and their experiences that inspire me. I credit them and the good examples and teachings of my parents and other loved ones who prepared me better than they ever could have known to face a life of challenges I’m sure none of us ever realized would come my way. I’m so grateful to have had a solid foundation laid for me in my youth that taught me to and has enabled me to turn every stumbling block into a stepping stone.

However, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” (Abraham Lincoln)

 

I’m Not Superman

Date: February 1, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Of course I’m scared. I’m not Superman.” (Jackie Chan)

We’re into superheroes at our house. I can’t escape them–just this morning I folded and put away a padded, muscular Batman shirt, and tripped over a Superman cape on my way to complete the task!

As the mother of three sons, I’ve learned my fair share about superheroes. And I confess, I like them for more than their muscular build. I admire superheroes for the way they rise to the challenge. They do the right thing, even when it’s hard. They’re willing to stand alone. They aren’t afraid of anything. And they come out on top.

I’ve been taught to rise to the challenge; I try to do the right thing; I’m definitely willing to stand alone. But I’ve been afraid of a lot; I’m no superhero. And nothing showed me that more than my unexpected life.

I wasn’t just scared, I was terrified. Each day I operated like John Johnson who said, ”Every day I run scared. That’s the only way I can stay ahead.” (John Johnson) Only I couldn’t seem to stay ahead of each scary new challenge that became mine on a daily basis, courtesy of each new revelation by my former spouse. Frankly, I’m surprised all of the shock and uncertainty didn’t induce a heart attack! (Oh yes, that’s right. That would have been impossible as my heart was already broken, crushed and numb.)

There were so many thing to fear back then, it seemed it didn’t take much to scare me. I was even wary of opening the front door! “I am scared easily, here is a list of my adrenaline-production: 1) small children, 2) policeman, 3) high places, 4) that my next movie will not be as good as the last one.” (Alfred Hitchcock) Only my adrenaline-producers were little things like crime, a Ponzi scheme, asset seizure, U.S. Marshals, inspectors, attorneys, media coverage, neighbors scrutinizing my every move and reporting each little tidbit they gleaned to government authorities, frozen bank accounts, financial ruin, potential bankruptcy, knowing there were victims who had been hurt by the action of the man I’d been married to, and the uncertainty of what actually would happen and when, to my former husband as well as to my family, to name a few.

I felt like such a failure to be so absolutely scared on all counts, on every front. I longed to be less fearful and more brave.

But the passage of time has helped me see something now what I didn’t realize then. It’s ok to be scared. And actually, I don’t think it matters one bit if you’re scared or brave. You can’t always help what you feel. (In fact, you need to let yourself feel what you feel so that you can work through it, get past it and heal.) What matters is that you carry on and face what needs to be faced. That’s true courage. That’s real bravery.

“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” (Omar Bradley)

That’s also…the unexpected life.

So whatever you’re facing, whatever your challenge or fear, choose bravery.  Perform properly. Do the right thing despite all of your fears, and someday you’ll be able to look back and see how courageous you actually were.

It’s Time…For Skid Marks

Date: September 16, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

The day arrived. I was ready to say the words.

I didn’t want to think about what I was about to do, afraid I’d come up with a reason or an excuse not to. So while we were sitting on a sofa in a very special place I charged ahead, not letting myself think, and asked one more question. Bachelor #5 probably wanted to roll his eyes at yet another question, but he refrained.

I asked, “If I marry you, and after we’re married when my flaws and shortcomings are abundant, and you realize you haven’t gotten exactly what you bargained for, will you stay and make the best of it, or will you want to leave?”

He said, “Of course I’ll stay. Everyone has shortcomings. It will just give us something to work on together. I’ll help you and you help me.” I thought he’d say that, but I had to make sure. (THAT was the right answer, by the way.)

I responded, “Ok then, ‘it’s time.’”

I don’t think he expected that.

And although it’s hard to catch a man who is organized and plans ahead for everything off guard, I think I succeeded! He did a double take, looked at me with wide eyes and asked, “What did you just say?”

I repeated, “It’s time.”

I think he still couldn’t believe it. He asked, “Are you serious?”

I was.

He said, “I didn’t expect you to decide so fast!” Given the many weeks I had struggled to come to a decision and make a decision, it didn’t seem that fast to me–but I could relate to the whole speed thing. I definitely wasn’t expecting something like Bachelor #5 and what he offered to happen in my unexpected life…and so fast! Interestingly, for once, the man who always has something to say, didn’t have much to say.

He simply hugged me, took me home, and drove away–actually, sped away might be a better description–without a backward glance. He may have been shocked. Or scared. Or maybe, knowing how he thinks and plans ahead, possibly already working on “taking care of the rest.”

So, “If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks.”