Living Happily Ever After
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One Unexpected Adventure…Revealed

Date: November 24, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“When I was a child I had a crush on Abraham Lincoln. Why I would choose to reveal this, I know not.” (Julia Roberts)

Revelation time.

I’ve had a few crushes in my day.

Not only that, I have something in common with Janet Jackson who revealed, “My first crush was Barry Manilow. He performed on TV and I taped it. When no one was around I’d kiss the screen.” Let me clarify: I have the crush part, NOT the kissing the screen part, in common with Janet.

When I was a child I also had a crushes on Mike Smith (a little boy in 1st grade–but the crush soured, sadly, when Mike gave me a heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day that was too big to fit in my desk and my classmates teased me about it!); Tim Horn (a boy in my 2nd grade class); The Lettermen; Shaun Cassidy; Kurt Russell; the buck-toothed boy from Disney’s original “Escape To Witch Mountain;” Stewart Peterson; and Donny Osmond.

I remember several nights as a child, arguing with my cousin, Athena, about our Donny Osmond crushes and who “got him.” Athena never failed to insist, “I get Donny because I’m older than you and closer to his age, you can have Jimmy—because you’re younger.” But I didn’t want Jimmy Osmond, I had a crush on Donny!

I even watched “The Donny & Marie Show” each week and I knew every song on their “Deep Purple” album by heart! And then Donny filmed “Goin’ Coconuts,” he married, and I grew up—and experienced many other crushes, but those are another blog post. (It did strike me as ironic, and funny, however, that as I drove off “just married” in 1989—my first marriage—Donny Osmond’s “Soldier of Love” was playing on the radio! A fitting conclusion to my childhood.)

I was married for 20 years, and happily so. I was a mother of four children, absolutely fulfilled in devoting my life and my efforts to my husband, children, home and church and community service. And then, in one moment, on one day, it all ended. Oh, the bleak and black absolute despair I felt! Indescribable. Within a few months I found myself divorced, single, working full-time and living in Utah attempting to create a new life for myself and my children as I raised my four kids alone. I carried on, but a big part of my shattered heart was sure I’d had my turn. That every good thing that was ever going to come to me was in the past.

And then, unexpectedly, I fell in love and got married again. Now I have a crush on my husband.

Even more unexpected: the day I found myself driving through the roads of Utah County in my trusty Subaru Outback station wagon to have lunch with…Donny Osmond!

All I can say is that if anyone had told me when my life fell apart in 2009 that lunch with Donny Osmond was in my future as part of my unexpected life, I’d NEVER have believed it! But it’s true.

“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.” (Orson Welles)

Bachelor #15: The Cowboy (Without A Pillow To Lay His Head)

Date: July 9, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

This bachelor, I’ve learned, is somewhat infamous in the Utah County singles scene. I didn’t know it at the time until after I dated him. (What can I say? I’m relatively “new” here!)

Bachelor #15 was a total cowboy who wore cowboy boots. And at the end, I found out he was a lot more like the lone cowboys I’d seen in movies than I’d ever realized: riding alone through rugged country on a trusty horse, drinking out of a tin cup, rolling a blanket out on the dirt next to a campfire under the stars without so much as a pillow on which to lay his head as he slept…but somehow, it’s MUCH more attractive in the movies!

He was an outdoorsman. He knew how to sew. He knew how to preserve food through canning. And as it turns out, not only did he get in fights (physical, fist fights) he drank out of Mason jars instead of glasses! (In my defense, I didn’t know these things until our last date–more on that is coming.)

I don’t know that we had much, if anything in common, other than he was 6’2″ and 6’2″ has always been my favorite height!

For me, in my unexpected life, he was brief entertainment. We went on several dates. However, my children (and their friends) did not like him. Clearly, it wasn’t going anywhere. The end came the night he invited me to his apartment to watch a movie.

I walked in and immediately noticed an air mattress on the living room floor. I ignored it, sat on the couch, and watched the movie. Afterward, I asked about the air mattress.

“Did your children just come for a visit?” I asked.

“No, why?” he replied.

“You have an air mattress on the floor of your living room,” I explained. “I guess that’s where your kids sleep when they come–and you just haven’t put it away from the last visit?”

“No,” he answered. “THAT is where I sleep!”

Goodbye, Bachelor #15. I know I’m not being open minded at all, but knowing you’re 43-44 years old and sleep on an air mattress on your living room floor is just too much for me! You’ve been divorced three years and still haven’t been able to provide a bed for yourself? THAT worries me. I guess you haven’t heard that, “A wooden bed is better than a golden coffin.” (Russian Proverb)

Or an air mattress.

And since you’re a cowboy, I’d feel irresponsible if I didn’t pass along some other tidbits of wisdom I’ve gleaned from my research:

“Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.”

“Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.”

“Don’t squat with yer spurs on.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

And here’s a last bit of cowboy wisdom for you: “Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.”

I should have followed my own advice.