Living Happily Ever After
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Blog Articles

Even If It’s In Flames

Date: May 3, 2012  Author: Andrea Merriman

“That corpse you planted last year in your garden, Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?” (T.S. Eliot)

No. Not in my garden. Here’s why.

Three years ago, when I lost my life (and pretty much everything else) in the aftermath of a Ponzi scheme, I moved to Utah. Along with my four children, I brought three peony plants from my Colorado yard I had uprooted and hauled several hundred miles in orange Home Depot buckets to transplant in our new yard. I’ve written about them before: one didn’t survive the journey, one made the journey and survived the first winter only to be uprooted by my youngest in his “chop down the new fruit trees and many other thriving plants with a plastic sword” phase, and the third, and final peony, bit the dust last week.

Not totally of its own volition, I confess. I just realized we’re entering the fourth growing season in our new life and while that peony has turned green every year, it has never bloomed. So last week I finally let my husband dig it up and remove it. We’re going to try something else in its place. Why?

Because life is too short to waste time NOT blooming.

I believe life isn’t meant to simply be “endured.”  I believe, instead, that life is a garden and we’ve all been given a patch of ground to do with it, to make of our life, what we will. Admittedly, all ground is NOT created equal. Some of us have a pretty easy, carefree row to till. Some have sandy soil; some are blessed with a rainforest (which has its own challenges); some have been planted in very difficult, rocky soil. And a few of us may not even be in any soil at all–but instead, like I found myself a few years ago, thrust into a pile of the absolute worst manure I’d never imagined! But regardless of the garden, or life, you’ve been transplanted to, you’ve got to bloom. Blossom. Achieve your dreams. Burst forth into something great. Let the soil of your experiences help you grow into something better than you’d have otherwise been. No matter what happens to you.

“I advise you to say your dream is possible and then overcome all inconveniences, ignore all the hassles and take a running leap through the hoop, even if it is in flames.” (Les Brown)

(Karaoke) Rock Star

Date: January 18, 2012  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them!” (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Thanks to my first cruise with my new husband, that’s not going to be a problem.

We ventured into the karaoke lounge another time and believe it or not, I attempted karaoke again. Still not sure what I was thinking…especially because I ended up on stage again. No solo, just “Summer Lovin’” from “Grease;” a duet with my husband! At some point in my childhood, I confess, I think I dreamed of being Sandy and having a Danny. Who says dreams can’t come true? Little did I realize it would take the unexpected life and a new husband to literally, make them reality. Lol.

However, the highlight of that evening came when a large group of Japanese tourists joined us in the lounge. And my husband surprised the crowd by singing “Feelings” in Japanese. (He majored in Japanese in college, and lived and worked in Japan for several years; he’s pretty fluent. Fluent enough, even, to sing!) You should have seen the women scream, clap, rise up from their chairs and dance around! One lovely woman even did a “fan dance” as he sang—I guess making sure he didn’t get too overheated from his performance or all of the swooning, I’m not sure which!

Karaoke rock star. Is there such a thing? If there is, I’m pretty sure I’m married to him.

“I won’t be a rock star. I will be a legend.” (Freddie Mercury)

It’s A Lot Of Fun

Date: December 12, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“I can rock out anything. I mean, I can rock out a little ‘Time After Time’. I can do a little ‘Greased Lightning’. It depends on the mood…and it’s a lot of fun.” (Kristen Bell)

The extent of anything even approaching rocking out in my life took place, for the first and last time, during high school. I was the lead “singer” in an airband. I imitated Kim Wilde, we rocked “We’re The Kids In America,” and I have the pictures to prove it. Cut to 2011.

In honor of my husband’s 50th birthday, we went on a leaf peeping cruise with some of his family and friends. I wasn’t sure what to expect. We’d only been married 7 months, I didn’t know some of the people we were cruising with at all and I was nervous about leaving my children for 10 days. (In my entire 20 year marriage, all 7,300 nights of it if I’ve done the math correctly, I left my children a total of 16 nights–discounting hospitalizations, but those are another story! In fact, to avoid that very dilemma of leaving my children and for the sake of creating family memories, I’d taken my children to Africa, New Zealand, Turkey, Russia and many other places so that I could see the world and share it with my children without having to leave them. ) But my new husband is a big believer in couples’ “getaways.” So although wary about the whole thing, I agreed to go.

The closer we got to our departure, the more nervous I was, to which my husband would reassure me, “This is going to be great! Traveling without children is a WHOLE new world! You’ll be amazed at how fun it is, all the fun you can have, staying out late, dancing and socializing with adults!” So we went.

And the first night on the cruise ship, wouldn’t you know, we ended up in a karaoke lounge? I’m married to a performer, so it’s something he apparently is familiar with and participates in on occasion, however, my only brush with karaoke in my entire life was the karaoke scene in “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” when an apparently intoxicated Cameron Diaz belts out an awful performance and everyone claps and cheers her on anyway. But here’s what I learned that night in the Carnival karaoke lounge: I was surprised to discover how true-to-life that movie scene was.

Good, bad, or really terrible…anybody stood and sang for the room. The audience listened politely every time, cheered the singers on and actually clapped for them at the end! The really good performers got a louder show of appreciation, but everyone received pretty generous applause. I actually became a little more impressed at my fellow man after seeing them participate, on stage or in the audience, of karaoke! And I sat there innocently watching, not feeling threatened in the least by what was going on around me–it wasn’t my business or my world, at all, after all–until my husband said to me, “Ok, it’s your turn. What are you going to sing?”

NO.

I don’t “do” karaoke.

Never.

No way.

My husband wasn’t about to let me off easy, he insisted I participate, so I finally said, “I’ll only do it if they have ABBA,” knowing they’d never have music like that at karaoke. (I TOLD you I didn’t know anything about karaoke!) They had it. And before I knew what was happening, I found myself heading to the stage. Alone. Head spinning. All I could think was, “This is not me. This is not my life. This is not what I do. If someone had told me two years ago I’d EVER be doing karaoke…” Just the usual disbelief my old self has for the new me living the unexpected life.

I ended up singing a duet with the karaoke hostess who guided me through the whole experience because it was my first time. We even harmonized. Our own little version doing what Anni-Frid and Agnetha did best—”Dancing Queen.”

I don’t drink, so I can’t be sure, but I think it may not have been QUITE as bad as the movies.

“Everybody’s a filmmaker today.” (John Milius)

I wish I could say that was my last foray into film, but it wasn’t. It gets worse. Much worse.

No Star Coach, That’s For Sure

Date: September 10, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“I’m a rock star because I couldn’t be a soccer star.” (Rod Stewart)

Not really. Truth be told, I’m neither! The first practice after my unexpected coaching experience at the first game reminded me of that and why.

Early in my marriage (before I had children) I was asked to coach a girl’s basketball team for my church congregation. They’d already had the team meeting and coach meeting to give instruction and direction to the coaches prior to my assignment, so I just held practice and showed up at the games.

I wasn’t worried. I loved basketball and had played a lot of basketball in my day. I knew the game, so I coached the way I’d been coached as a basketball player—including sometimes setting scoring goals and shouting them out as a team cheer to motivate ourselves. The season was a success. My team made it to the finals and were looking forward to playing the “championship” game when I was notified our team had been disqualified.

I was stunned! When I asked the reason for our disqualification, I was told it was because of bad sportsmanship. I was stunned again because the girls on my team had been great sports, had never lost control, had cheered each other on, had welcomed new players to the team (even inexperienced ones), and were polite and kind to everyone, including their opponents. I couldn’t imagine what the league officials were talking about so I asked for clarification, and when I got it, I felt terrible.

The officials told me my team had bad sportsmanship because we “ran up the score” at every game we played. Ran up the score? What was that? I had always played to win, and teams win in basketball by making baskets and scoring points, I thought that was the name of the game! The officials corrected that for me. No, the point of the game was to have fun and they accused me, again, of running up the score and told me their decision to disqualify my team was final.

I had just coached as I’d been coached and played, I was simply trying to set performance goals for the girls—”lets score 10 points this half.” I had never meant to “run up” a score or exhibit poor sportsmanship! And there I’d cheered, all season long, encouraging my team to shoot and score, oblivious to the league rules (because I’d been asked to coach late and had missed all the coaching meetings) and probably giving the impression to everyone watching that I was a “poor sport” and out for blood at each and every game. I was so embarrassed at what people must have thought of me. (I was still in my 20s; I hadn’t lived an unexpected life yet.)

My first coaching experience was a raging success! (NOT. “Team  Disqualified for Coach’s Poor Sportsmanship”  could have been the headline.) And then, over 20 years later, I show up to my first practice as assistant coach of a boy’s “6 And Under” soccer team and found out not much had changed.

“Yes, there is a little group of soccer aficionados, but I am not one of them.” (Gay Talese)

Bummer.

Begin Again

Date: January 24, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.” (Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb, “Rock Bottom”)

That’s where the unexpected life begins, in my opinion.

Rock bottom. A dead end street.

Although it’s not always a Ponzi scheme that puts you there. Sometimes it’s divorce. Unemployment. Addiction. Sickness. Death of a loved one. Any number of things that are life, any thing that can happen in the life of anyone.

I think what we forget, in the initial moments that try our souls, is that rock bottom IS good, solid ground. A dead end street really IS a good place to turn around. And begin again. Rebuild. Press forward. Carry on.

Never give up.

Start over.

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.” (Flavia Weedn)

A piece is good. It’s enough. And that’s all you need for an unexpected life!