“I’m a rock star because I couldn’t be a soccer star.” (Rod Stewart)

Not really. Truth be told, I’m neither! The first practice after my unexpected coaching experience at the first game reminded me of that and why.

Early in my marriage (before I had children) I was asked to coach a girl’s basketball team for my church congregation. They’d already had the team meeting and coach meeting to give instruction and direction to the coaches prior to my assignment, so I just held practice and showed up at the games.

I wasn’t worried. I loved basketball and had played a lot of basketball in my day. I knew the game, so I coached the way I’d been coached as a basketball player—including sometimes setting scoring goals and shouting them out as a team cheer to motivate ourselves. The season was a success. My team made it to the finals and were looking forward to playing the “championship” game when I was notified our team had been disqualified.

I was stunned! When I asked the reason for our disqualification, I was told it was because of bad sportsmanship. I was stunned again because the girls on my team had been great sports, had never lost control, had cheered each other on, had welcomed new players to the team (even inexperienced ones), and were polite and kind to everyone, including their opponents. I couldn’t imagine what the league officials were talking about so I asked for clarification, and when I got it, I felt terrible.

The officials told me my team had bad sportsmanship because we “ran up the score” at every game we played. Ran up the score? What was that? I had always played to win, and teams win in basketball by making baskets and scoring points, I thought that was the name of the game! The officials corrected that for me. No, the point of the game was to have fun and they accused me, again, of running up the score and told me their decision to disqualify my team was final.

I had just coached as I’d been coached and played, I was simply trying to set performance goals for the girls—”lets score 10 points this half.” I had never meant to “run up” a score or exhibit poor sportsmanship! And there I’d cheered, all season long, encouraging my team to shoot and score, oblivious to the league rules (because I’d been asked to coach late and had missed all the coaching meetings) and probably giving the impression to everyone watching that I was a “poor sport” and out for blood at each and every game. I was so embarrassed at what people must have thought of me. (I was still in my 20s; I hadn’t lived an unexpected life yet.)

My first coaching experience was a raging success! (NOT. “Team  Disqualified for Coach’s Poor Sportsmanship”  could have been the headline.) And then, over 20 years later, I show up to my first practice as assistant coach of a boy’s “6 And Under” soccer team and found out not much had changed.

“Yes, there is a little group of soccer aficionados, but I am not one of them.” (Gay Talese)

Bummer.