Living Happily Ever After
test123

Blog Articles

P.P.S. To The News

Date: June 17, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“You know, I have guys that are almost stalkers… it is very strange. I had this one guy that e-mailed me off my site, and thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He then came to my house in London, I do not know how he found it.” (Caprice Bourret)

After the KSL news story last week, I also heard from a man I’d only danced with at a singles dance one night–never dated. He contacted me to tell me he saw my story on t.v., reminded me we’d danced at a singles dance and detailed our conversation.

Before I could respond, he contacted me again, told me he saw my story on t.v., reminded me we’d danced at a singles dance, detailed our conversation and said he never shared personal information like I had…until he’d gotten older.

Hmmm. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Was he telling me I am old? (I guess I can’t argue with that. After all, my middle son already informed me last year that I “shattered his childhood illusion of having a young mother” when he found out I’m not in my thirties–I’m turning 44 this summer.)

But before I could respond, he contacted me again, told me he saw my story on t.v., said he never shared personal information until he’d gotten older, reminded me we’d danced at a singles dance, detailed our conversation and said the next time he saw me I was with a man and walked by without saying anything. If I remember right, he also contacted me one more time to say he “guessed” I was married now.

Every message had been sent so rapidly (like every half hour), I hadn’t had time to respond to them. However, I knew what to say to that last comment: Yes, I am remarried, SO happy and consider myself so blessed to have found #5!

But what I didn’t reveal is that there is a high probability the man-who-for-a-minute-there-almost-gave-the-appearance-of-a-sort-of-stalker might see me at a single’s dance again–if he’s looking. You see, since our marriage, #5 and I actually have been to one, one night when we were in the mood to dance but didn’t want to go to a rowdy club…and we’ll probably do so again sometime!

I mean, “We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” (Japanese proverb) 

Right?


No Such Word

Date: January 25, 2011  Author: Andrea Merriman

“Coincidence is like a rubber band. Stretch it too far and it snaps.” (Roger Zelazny)

This may be a stretch, but consider this odd development from the history of my past.

I was visiting with an old friend recently and she asked me about a former mutual friend–she babysat him while he was growing up; I dated him in the 1980s. She said, “Hey, what is he up to? Do you keep in touch?”

I haven’t kept in touch with him. I mean, when someone tells you he loves you and you respond by telling him he doesn’t–because he is too young to feel that way (we were 19 years old), it makes things slightly less conducive to keeping in touch for awhile! But I figured enough time had passed for him to forget a little thing like that, so I promised to check on him and report back.

How do you find someone you haven’t spoken to for…22 years? In my world, Facebook. I’ve had some pretty good luck with it. (To date, finding my biological mother. I wish someone would sponsor a contest: “How Facebook Has Changed My Life.” I’d enter to win.) He had been a social guy, had played professional baseball, so I figured he’d be easy to find.

Wrong. No sign of him.

“That’s odd,” I thought. So I googled him. And I couldn’t believe what I saw.

What are the odds that you marry a man who perpetrates a Ponzi scheme, and at the same time he’s being prosecuted for his crime…a former boyfriend is ALSO being prosecuted for an investment scam?

“Who knows one person who commits a Ponzi scheme?” I wondered. “Much less, TWO people who perpetrate investment fraud?” Apparently, I do. What a strange and unexpected life mine is sometimes.

I was talking with my cousin shortly after that, laughing about the strangeness of the most recent development. She said, “Wait. I remember him. He was the really, really good looking baseball player, wasn’t he?”

“Yep, that’s the one, although he isn’t so good looking any more,” I replied.

“What?” she asked. “How do you know that?”

“I saw his mug shot,” I replied.

Note to anyone thinking of heading down that path: it’s not an attractive course to pursue in any way, shape or form. What crime is, the harm you inflict, going to prison, the toll it takes on your appearance, and everything else connected to breaking the law leaves nothing to be desired! (Not to mention the fact that dishonesty, and crime, is just plain wrong!)

“Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how to get ink off your fingers using seltzer water and lemon juice.” (Conan O’Brien)

M-U-G S-H-O-T.

Mug shots and men. Ponzi schemes and the past. Coincidence or just plain bad luck? I only know it is VERY unexpected! And that, “If there were no such thing as coincidence, there would be no such word.” (Heron Carvic)

Out of The Blue

Date: November 13, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman
You have to give life credit for a few things.

For one, it’s a master of  the unexpected. (THAT is an understatement, huh? Case in point: this blog.)

Sometimes, just when you think you can’t possibly have another unexpected development, there will be one. Sometimes it involves your children. Other times it involves family or career or health or friends. Occasionally it might even involve man friends–if you happen to have my freakish “good” luck.

“O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing what they do!” (William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing)

Last month, several months after my engagement to Bachelor #5 (in fact, if his original wedding plan had worked out, I’d have been married) I got a text message.

Completely out of the blue.

“You married or single?”

He’s Ba-ack! (Hint: Read with Jack Nicholson’s “The Shining” lilting emphasis.)

The Stalker.

I told him I was single, and before I could explain further, his texts began to fly. When I could finally get a text in, I clarified I was not married, but engaged. His texts ended as quickly and unexpectedly as they had come. And in his haste, he must have forgotten to tell me how happy he is for me! The Stalker hasn’t been seen or heard from again.

Later that SAME evening, I heard from The Ghostbuster. “Who you gonna call?” I guess, Andrea Merriman. He was friendly, gave me the update on his life (as if 6-7 months of no communication wasn’t indicative of where things stood from my end) and finally asked how I was.

“Engaged,” I replied.

The conversation ended. Not even a “congratulations,” heartfelt or otherwise. I haven’t heard from him again either.

“Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.” (Mae West)

No thanks.

“I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” (Johnny Nash)

And I Am Going To Have…

Date: October 10, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

I remember the night my middle son asked, “Does it stink to have an ex-husband?”

And how trying to look for the good, led me to respond, “It is a bummer, but I guess it’s better than never having had any husband at all!”

That was also the night he told me I needed to get a boyfriend.

I told him I didn’t need a boyfriend. He replied, “That’s right, because you’re too busy working and you have to spend time with us kids, too.”

Ever the mother, I corrected him. “No, I WANT to spend time with you. I GET to spend time with you. I love being a mom, I don’t do any of this because I ‘have’ to.”

Poor guy, he had a lot of thoughts and feelings to work through; because a few nights later, he said, “It would be a bummer to have a stepdad.”

One year ago, when those conversations took place, it was hard for me to imagine that situation AT ALL. But I did tell him, “I don’t think you can ever have too many men be an influence for good in your life. You can never have too many good men who love you and are there for you. And you can never have too many friends. I don’t see a problem with that situation at all!” (Nothing like optimism, huh?)

I also shared with him the many good men who have been an influence for good in my life since my own dad passed away. My life has been greatly enriched by many men who have cared about me, loved me, served me, counseled me and helped me in a variety of ways the past 24 years.

I don’t know that I’d totally convinced my son at that point, but I could see him thinking–and he at least had the good grace to nod his head in agreement with me.

Cut to 2010.

I was walking in the hall of my son’s elementary school a few days ago and saw his picture hanging on the wall above an essay he had written about himself. It was all very cute, but one part caught my eye and I had to read and re-read it, over and over again. It made me shake my head…and smile.

“What makes me happy? My mom is getting married and I am going to have a stepdad.”

Frederick Keonig said, “We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

What a huge advantage for my son to learn that at only 10 years old. He’s light years ahead of many other people, especially and including adults, many of whom have yet to learn that important lesson. And once again, we have our unexpected life to thank for that.

He’s Not My Boyfriend!

Date: June 15, 2010  Author: Andrea Merriman

We all learned a lot from Bachelor #1. Including what to call the men I dated.

I don’t know why I have such an aversion to the word “boyfriend” but I do, and always have. It must be the way I was raised. My parents drilled this into my head: Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Don’t tie yourself down. Don’t have a boyfriend. NEVER tie yourself to just one guy–until you are engaged!

So, I never did. I never had what I called a boyfriend. In fact, when I got engaged to my former spouse and went to tell my roommates I was getting married, they looked at me in shock and asked, “WHO are you engaged to?” I was surprised they didn’t know, so I asked them to guess. I was even more surprised when “Shawn Merriman” was the 5th name they guessed! I guess I got the “no boyfriend” thing my parents taught me down really, really well (in the 80s.)

I went from not having a boyfriend, not having a fiance (couldn’t say that word, either, for some reason!) to having a husband. Fortunately, I was able to say that word. For 20 years!

And then I became single again, unexpectedly, in 2009. I re-entered the dating scene. And my kids started saying things like, “So, when are you going to see your BOYFRIEND again?”

It struck a nerve. I just couldn’t call Bachelor #1 my boyfriend. That title made me cringe! He wasn’t my boyfriend.

I told my son, “Don’t call him that. I don’t have a boyfriend. He’s not my boyfriend.”

And before I could explain why I was so weird about that, my son said, “Oh, yah, that’s right. He’s not a boy. He’s a man. Got it, Mom, so when are you going to see your MANFRIEND again?”

I don’t know if that’s what everyone else’s teenagers call the men they date, but it was so unexpected, we all laughed. Hard. And you know what? The title stuck.

Every single man I’ve gone out with has been referenced, by my children, as my “manfriend.” Wouldn’t my parents be proud to know that although they’re gone, I’m still following their advice? No boyfriends for this single mother. Still.

Boyfriends. Who needs them? “I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I’m gonna [mess] it up, yeah, cause I’m an idiot. And I’m your boyfriend.” (Jimmy Fallon)

My advice to all the single ladies out there? Follow the counsel my parents gave me. Don’t complicate your life with boyfriends. Instead, try MANFRIENDS!

Bookmark and Share