I remember the night my middle son asked, “Does it stink to have an ex-husband?”
And how trying to look for the good, led me to respond, “It is a bummer, but I guess it’s better than never having had any husband at all!”
That was also the night he told me I needed to get a boyfriend.
I told him I didn’t need a boyfriend. He replied, “That’s right, because you’re too busy working and you have to spend time with us kids, too.”
Ever the mother, I corrected him. “No, I WANT to spend time with you. I GET to spend time with you. I love being a mom, I don’t do any of this because I ‘have’ to.”
Poor guy, he had a lot of thoughts and feelings to work through; because a few nights later, he said, “It would be a bummer to have a stepdad.”
One year ago, when those conversations took place, it was hard for me to imagine that situation AT ALL. But I did tell him, “I don’t think you can ever have too many men be an influence for good in your life. You can never have too many good men who love you and are there for you. And you can never have too many friends. I don’t see a problem with that situation at all!” (Nothing like optimism, huh?)
I also shared with him the many good men who have been an influence for good in my life since my own dad passed away. My life has been greatly enriched by many men who have cared about me, loved me, served me, counseled me and helped me in a variety of ways the past 24 years.
I don’t know that I’d totally convinced my son at that point, but I could see him thinking–and he at least had the good grace to nod his head in agreement with me.
Cut to 2010.
I was walking in the hall of my son’s elementary school a few days ago and saw his picture hanging on the wall above an essay he had written about himself. It was all very cute, but one part caught my eye and I had to read and re-read it, over and over again. It made me shake my head…and smile.
“What makes me happy? My mom is getting married and I am going to have a stepdad.”
Frederick Keonig said, “We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
What a huge advantage for my son to learn that at only 10 years old. He’s light years ahead of many other people, especially and including adults, many of whom have yet to learn that important lesson. And once again, we have our unexpected life to thank for that.
